NW Decides On a Reset

Of late, even with the milkings and ruined orgasms, over the weekend, my body had reached that point where it was doing everything it could for a release.  The ruined orgasms were intentional, of course.  The milkings, however, were all accidents.  I would warn NW off, in what would normally be an acceptable amount of time, but my body was determined that it was going to release it’s load.  What would have, in normal circumstances, resulted in me being taken right to the edge and then falling back, was now resulting in my body letting go and releasing my semen, without a single contraction.

This is a new development.  It had never happened before, but has become common during this run.  I have no idea what is different, other than I am older.  Whatever the cause, though, NW has grown weary of it…both the releases, but also fact that, once on edge, I can’t seem to fall back.  So, she came up with a plan.

The ruined orgasms were part of the plan.  In fact, she gave me another ruined orgasm on Monday morning, on the living room floor.  On Monday night, however, she climbed on top of me and rode me hard…grinding against me.  As I started to near, and she realized it, she told me to orgasm in her.  I did.  It was an okay orgasm.  It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t very pleasurable either.  That, is not uncommon on the first full orgasm after extended (more than three or four weeks) of denial.

Also, orgasms through intercourse are never that great for me.  That might sound strange, but it is because of where the stimulation is happening.  I have the best orgasms from handjobs…followed by combination handjobs/blowjobs.  I think that is mainly because of the control she has during manual stimulation and the fact that she can stimulate parts other than my cock.

During intercourse, however, my cock is hugged from all sides and the head is constantly banging and rubbing against her cervix.  The total stimulation, combined with the intense stimulation of the head, is just too much.  It is almost like combining the stimulation of an orgasm with post orgasm torture.  It disrupts the normal rhythm of orgasm, because it fires every time my cock head hits her cervix, even if it isn’t in the normal rhythm of contractions.  So, it all feels erratic and over stimulating.

In any case, I had a full orgasm.

Then, yesterday, we were busy most of the day.  I received a single edging, midday, and nothing else until last night.  Come evening, NW worked me for a bit and then I took over again.  I bit her.  I choked her.  I slapped her pussy.  She flowed.  She came and squirted multiple times.  Some squirts were forceful.  Some squirts just trickled out.  But she, my hand and the sheets beneath were soaked.

Once attention turned back to me, and I was fully erect, she mounted me.  I was told, upfront, that I was to cum in her and that I would be cleaning it up (Another bucket list item…eating my cum out of her.)  She rode to several orgasms before I finally got there…having my second full orgasm in as many days.

This orgasm was just as the night before…okay.  There was a difference, though.  It went on for a prolonged period.  NW didn’t stop after I came.  She just kept grinding and bouncing away.  Every time my cock head would hit her cervix, I would have another contraction.  It was like post orgasm torture in such a way that it felt like an extended orgasm.  It was pretty cool.

When she finally stopped, she rolled off of me and spread her legs.  I could see my cum oozing out of her sex.  I crawled forward and began licking and sucking.  My semen formed a string, from her pussy to my tongue, as I pulled back.  I locked onto her pussy and sucked her, working my tongue in and out.

She came.  I ate.  All of the cum she could expel, that I had deposited inside of her, was now inside of me.  Another fantasy was fulfilled…for the first time.

Four days, three ruined orgasms and two full orgasms…  She hopes that it provided enough of a reset that the aforementioned issues are no longer issues.  Either way, she told me that she hoped I enjoyed it.  She has plans for today that will include the possibility of two orgasms.  But this is my last chance to come for a long time, according to NW.  With the cage now en route to us, that will very soon be an enforceable statement.

A Holiday Weekend…Ruined

Saturday and Sunday were both busy days.  I had a couple of honey-dos to complete, had a several hour visit to my brother’s, had to help friends, for several hours, with a project they had.  Then, there was the needed yard work, tending the garden and trying to squeeze in family time.  It didn’t leave a lot of time for play.  In fact, the only time we had, on each day, was late evening.  Mind you, that is not a bad thing at all.  Our play is meant to be secondary to almost everything else.

Keeping with the fact that the weekend was so busy, I am, unfortunately, a bit sketchy on the details of what all happened,  I do remember a few highlights, however.  So, this will likely be a succinct post and, hence, maybe short on details.  I apologize in advance.

Saturday evening, I got home a little late.  We were both tired and ended up retiring for just a little us time.  We settled into bed and curled up together, watching a movie.  It didn’t take long, though, for NW’s hands to find its way to my crotch.  She worked me for a bit, edged me and then I kind of lit into her.  According to her, I bit her, I choked her and I fingered her roughly.  Roughly enough that she was sore, the next morning.  This went on for a while.  She came, a lot.

After I had calmed down a bit, she went back to stroking me.  She edged me a couple more times.  Then on one edging, I tried to warn her off, but she ignored me.  She stroked a couple more times and I went over the edge.  I fought hard to contain it, but she wouldn’t release my cock and started squeezing it harder, once she felt me tense.  After a second, realizing that she just wasn’t going to let go, I quit fighting it.  She just held me, firmly, not moving.  After the first contraction hit me, though, I realized that she was using her thumb to keep my urethra closed.  (I made the mistake of showing her a retrograde orgasm, once.)  The rhythmic contractions took over.  Since there was no loss of pressure, though, due to my closed of urethra, the contractions just kept going.  I probably had, at least, twice as many contractions as I would during a full orgasm.

It was mildly uncomfortable.  When the contractions stopped, she released me, and nothing came out.  When she pressed the base of my urethra, though, out it came.  So, on our forty-first day, I was given my first ruined orgasm.  Even though it was a weird one, since I had fought against it, initially.

We cleaned up and that was the evening.

Jump forward to Sunday evening.  After spending a good part of the day helping friends with some intensive physical labor, I was wiped out.  That, of course, did not keep us from a late evening rendezvous in our bedroom.

It started as it often does, of late, with NE fondling me until i am erect enough to be stroked.  She asked me what I wanted to do.  I was honest.  I said I hadn’t given it much thought and was kind of there for the ride.  To which she responded by rolling onto her back and informing me that I would be servicing her until I had made a decision.  As it turns out, that is what I really wanted…to service her.  So, I worked from her sex to her ass.  I licked.  I sucked,  I nibbled.  I bit.

She asked me if I had decided on anything yet.  I just kept working her.  She finally caught on.  Once she did, she took another couple of orgasms and then had me roll onto my back.  She got on all fours next to me and took me into her mouth.

For whatever reason, I was in a mood and worked my thumb inside her pussy.  She came.  I withdrew and smacked her ass.  She responded positively.  So, I slapped it again and then proceeded to spank her ass, as she was hunched over, with me in her mouth.  She came.  I spread her ass checks and repeatedly spanked her exposed asshole, while having to warn her off of me.  She came again.

In between her orgasms, I had to warn her off, several times.  Even while concentrating on making her cum, I couldn’t not notice what she was doing to me.

Deciding that maybe she needed a bit more typical pleasure, I re-inserting my thumb into her pussy but added a finger into her ass.  I was gentle at first, but soon morphed it into a hard pounding.  She came twice more, swallowing my cock as she came.

After a moments reprieve for both of us, she took my cock back into her mouth.  I forced her head down until I was settled into her throat.  Once bottomed out, I hooked my calf over her head where she couldn’t withdraw.  Then I started spanking her hard.  Between the spanking and the breath play, she erupted, literally.  Fortunately, I had foreseen this and put a towel under her.  During the course of the evening, she did her best to soak it.

Once I finally relented, she went back to me and gave me another ruined orgasm.  This time she told me, beforehand, not to fight it.  I didn’t.  And she timed it perfectly.  She stopped stimulating me and watched.  It took a couple of seconds, but without me fighting it, the pressure was sufficient.  Over the edge I went.  Only about four or five contractions.  Only two emitting semen.

It actually seemed a non-event.  My libido dropped slightly, as is often the case when the pressure subsides.  But it was a non-emotional experience.  It wasn’t at all pleasurable.  It wasn’t uncomfortable.  I wasn’t happy, sad, angry or anything else different from just before.

So, a ruined orgasm on each of the past two days.  And nothing has really changed.  Well, unless NW has decided that it has…and hasn’t told me.


This and That…

Just a few things that I wanted to quickly go over…

First, you may or may not have noticed that there is now a “Captions” page.  I have never made a caption before, but I have read thousands of them.  There aren’t many.  Give me time…as I am trying to make my own rather than lift them from other sites.  And I am sure that they are not going to hit on everyone’s kink, as they will be missing references to things that I am just not into.  Hopefully, they will still be fun, though.

NW and I did have an early afternoon playtime.  It was short.  She caught me right before I went outside to do yard work.  It was basically her teasing me to edge a few times, before sitting on my chest.  She fed me her sex and her ass, of course.  Then she rolled off and went back to edging me, while I used my fingers to continue her orgasms.  It was about ten minutes in all, and she let me loose on the yard.

Somewhat tying into that is the fact that we are now heading into day 34 (tomorrow morning).  Given my pre-denial average of just over three orgasms a day (99% masturbation), I have now been denied my 100th orgasm.  NW told me that we were going to celebrate by not letting me come.  She is so thoughtful.

Talking about this a few days ago, we came to the conclusion that lost orgasms are like lost sleep.  They can’t actually ever be recovered.  I could have ten orgasms a day, for the next month (not likely since the most I have ever mustered in a day is nine), and I would be having a lot of orgasms.  Those 100, though, would still be forever lost…or enjoyed by NW instead, if you prefer.

And that brings me to my final thought for this post.  Where I am mentally.  Several days back I made a post about the stages of denial, based on time and what my feelings were in each.  There was one word, though, that I did not use, but wish I had…acceptance.

Somewhere around, or just after that one month mark, the situation becomes, well…normative.  The arousal still exists.  Frustration still rises at times.  The desire for orgasm is not diminished.  But you have come to accept that it is out or your hands and will happen when your keyholder decides it will.  Fretting over it isn’t going to help things or change them.

That is where I find myself.  I have accepted the circumstances of my situation and am just kind of going with it.  I know that NW has no interest in me having an orgasm any time soon.  And I am okay with that.  Do I want one?  Yes and no…  But the reality is, not having one is probably the most pleasurable experience to be had, of the three options…denial, ruined or full.

Being denied lacks the climactic intensity of the other two.  But I do not have to suffer through the letdown, no matter how brief.  I do not have to suffer through the range of emotions (confusion, frustration, physical discomfort and even anger) that a ruined orgasm brings.  And, if past experience holds true, a full orgasm, after just a month of denial, is actually unpleasant.  It is as though my body doesn’t fire in synch or that all of the involved muscles have forgotten how to have a coordinated ejaculation.  The surge of semen through my urethra is actually uncomfortable…even mildly painful.  The second full orgasm is always good.  But just getting one and going back to denial almost makes it undesirable.

Anyway, as I said, just a few things to throw out there.

Ruined Orgasms Revisited…Part Two

Yeah, yeah…I know.  I was supposed to finish this long before now.  Sorry for the delay.

Back to the ruined orgasm experience…

The third way that I experience a ruined orgasm is for NW to stroke me to the point of no return and then just hold my cock.  She ceases any stroking or varying of pressure.  She simply holds my cock as the orgasm occurs.  This is ruined because I lose almost all of the stimulation that was driving me forward.  It most definitely is not a full orgasm, in any way.  It has the added twist, though, of prolonging the “orgasm”, even in a ruined state.  By that, I simply mean that you feel it rise, become starved of most stimulation and, as expected, crash.  It seems to be slightly drawn out, though.  The crash period is extended, though not necessarily increased in intensity.  There are more contractions and, usually, a bit more ejaculate, but ruined no less…with the corresponding emotional drop, physical discomfort and mild frustration.

The fourth, and most psychologically impacting, method of ruined orgasm is for NW to simply stroke me to/through the first contraction and to let go.  She can’t stop until the first contraction has started, whether it has happened or not.  When timed right, this ruined orgasm causes physical discomfort, immense frustration and has even given rise to agitation and anger in me.  The latter is, undoubtedly, caused by the degree of frustration that is experienced.  I believe this method is so soul-crushing simply because it really is a betrayal of a deceived body or, in my mind, a classic ruined orgasm.  By continuing on with the stimulation until the orgasm has actually begun, the body is 100% convinced that this is going to be a proper orgasm…and a damned good one with the preceding denial.  Then the bottom falls out!  It is like a person in the desert, dying of thirst, finally reaching the pool of water and finding it a mirage.  As I said, soul-crushing…

The final ruined orgasm experience is rather new to me.  This is where, much like number three, above, the orgasm is assured, stimulation is removed, but the hand, or thumb and finger(s), remain.  Their purpose is simply to apply pressure and prevent any ejaculate from leaving the body.  It could be used to cap the penis (cover the urethra), to pinch (close) the urethra along the shaft or even at the base of the penis.  Again, as with number three, this tends to prolong the contractions, as the body tries to expel the ejaculate.  I believe that the internal pressure helps to prolong the ejaculatory attempts.  Where this type of ruined orgasm excels, though, is in physical discomfort.  Your body tries, repeatedly, to ejaculate.  Contraction after contraction forces ejaculate forward.  Only…it has nowhere to go.  It is backed up and internal pressure just keeps rising.  Eventually the contractions stop and, once the blockage is removed, ejaculate dribbles out.  By this point, though, my balls, groin and urethra (up to the point of blockage) ache and can even mildly hurt.  It has an emotional drop-off.  It is frustrating, though not nearly as the previous type.  The main thing, however, is the physical discomfort.

And there they are…the five ways that I experience ruined orgasms.  Which is my favorite?  It really depends on my mood.  Right now, though, I am interested in exploring the last type.  NW has yet to cause the blockage at the base of my cock.  I am very interested in how that would play out.  I really like the ones where she stimulates me until I can’t stop but it takes several seconds for it to start.  It is a cool feeling, until the crash.  On some level, though, I crave the worst of them.  The one that leaves me the most frustrated.  I think that is because it has zero redeeming qualities…not even morbid curiosity.  And, after all, a ruined orgasm shouldn’t have anything good about it…right?

Ruined Orgasms Revisited…Part One

As I mentioned in my earlier post, NW has given me several ruined orgasms over the past four weeks.  Also, I mentioned that she had suggested using ruined orgasms as a way of extending our orgasm control/denial play.  Both of these have given me reason to contemplate the whole ruined orgasm phenomenon in greater detail.  So, I thought that I might revisit it here…because I like to share like that.

First, I need to define what I call a ruined orgasm (emphasis on ‘I’).  I say this because there are, like with many things, many versions.  For me…  A ruined orgasm requires that ejaculate be freed to exit the body, even if being manually prevented, and/or that at least one contraction (spasm) occurs.  If you are able to pull back from the edge without a contraction or the release of ejaculate, I do not consider it a ruined orgasm.  It wasn’t an orgasm at all.  You prevented the orgasm.  Please notice that I included an “and/or” in my qualification.

I have never contracted without releasing some degree of ejaculate (even though very small), though I am sure that some can.  I have, however, had ejaculate start leaving my body without ever having an orgasmic contraction.  In this case, I went just over the edge and was able to force the involved muscles to flex hard enough that they could not contract in orgasm.  Mind over matter, if you will.  I did not pull back from the edge.  I locked my muscles so that they stayed contracted, rather than cycling through the orgasmic waveform.  So, either or both I consider ruined.  If neither exists, it wasn’t anything.

Obviously, this also means that the stimulation which sent one over the edge is either removed, greatly diminished or changed into something unpleasant, once the point of no return has been crossed.  Otherwise, all orgasms would meet my definition.  So, once the line is crossed, stimulation can be removed, diminished (stroking/sucking stopped and only pressure remains) or the stimuli is changed (from stroking the cock to slapping it, painfully).  This is what causes the orgasm to ruin.  It is immediately starved of stimulation or it is overridden with some other, less pleasant, stimulation.

In our (or my) case, there are five ways that I experience a ruined orgasm.  Please note that the last option mentioned above is not included in these.  That is because NW is unwilling to slap my cock as hard as would be required to stop the orgasm.  Hitting my balls, as you probably guessed, just makes me cum harder.

Experience #1 and #2 – These are listed together because NW does the same in both cases.  The difference is in what I do.  NW stimulates me until I am just over the edge.  She stops the stimulation before I have a contraction.  Usually a few seconds before.  In experience number one, I fight the orgasm.  By this I mean that I lock/flex all muscles and fight as hard as I can not to orgasm.  I am usually successful in keeping my muscles flexed and, therefore, preventing orgasmic contractions.  When this happens, the experience is, mentally, a non-event.  By that I mean that I get no mental letdown from the experience.  I do not feel mentally frustrated or sated.  My arousal takes virtually no notice of anything having occurred.

What does happen is that a) I get a small release of ejaculate, which doesn’t actually escape until I am done fighting and I relax.  Even then it just kind of dribbles as I move about. b) I have a sense of being spent, mainly from having flexed so many muscles so hard.  Lastly, there is the ache that immediately settles in my balls and groin.  I assume this is from everything heading out the door only to find it closed and most of it still ending up trapped inside.

Experience number two is simply where I don’t fight the release.  This tends to result in one or two contractions, a dribbling flow of ejaculate (rarely any spurting) and a slight fall afterwards.  This experience includes very mild frustration…or perhaps a mild sense of emptiness?  The ache in my balls is still there, just not a strong.  The drop in arousal is greater than method one, but still very little.

Due to the length of this, I will finish in another post.

Sticking My Head Back Out…

It has, once again, been a good length since my last post.  NW has been harassing me about that.  So, here it is.

It has been one hundred and eight days since my last full orgasm.  To reflect back…  The first seventy-four days were tame and of little note.  There was, obviously, some teasing and CBT, but nothing of great importance.  On day seventy-five, NW gave me my first ruined orgasm of this period.  My last ruined orgasm was last Sunday.  That puts me at five ruined orgasms in a twenty-nine day period.  Doesn’t seem like much when I remember back to the days (very recently) when I would have five orgasms on any given day of the weekend.  It was a common occurrence.  But that was then.  Back to now…

The three-month threshold breached.  One hundred days surpassed.  Where do we go from here?  I mean, we are already at sixty-five days longer than I have ever gone without a full orgasm.  Of course, those markers only really mean something to me.  NW doesn’t seem to care about them…for the most part.  She only cares about how responsive I am after the denial.  I am so sensitive, rock hard and always craving attention.  Of course, giving attention is even more important.

As you would imagine, NW and I talk, often, about what has transpired and where we are heading.  We know that, eventually, this will run its course and it will, at least for a time, be set aside.  So, the question becomes, how do we sustain it for as long as possible?  We have discussed using ruined orgasms as a means to prolong this run.  That is a definite tool and something I will better address in a different post.  She has also said that she is going to want to give me a full orgasm, because a) she loves giving me pleasure and b) because she thinks that one full orgasm is safe (won’t cause a reset).  I have cautioned her against this.  It has been one hundred and eight days since I last fully ejaculated.  That is very significant to me.  That, in part, provides the will to continue.  She is correct that a full orgasm would not reset me physically.  I think that it would very much reset me mentally, however.  It would, in large part, feel like we were throwing away three and a half months of…whatever this is.  Could we get here again?  Sure.  But not without a lengthy wait.

So, ruined orgasms are going to have to suffice.  I have hinted that maybe I don’t need one per week, though.  They aren’t resetting me or making me want to end this.  It just feels wrong, even though there is little to no benefit.  Again, this is up to NW.  I have just put in my two cents.

When I explained that, she no longer felt that I needed to have a full orgasm any time soon.  So, where do we go from here?  I think we just keep moving forward.  I’ll have that orgasm when she wants me to have it, even if it resets me mentally.  Until then…six months, here we come!

Catching Up…

Wow!  Time flies!  It is hard to believe that it has almost been a month since my last update.  That was not intentional, of course.  Life just has a way of getting busy, as I am sure you all know.

Anyway, back to where we were.  Our three days of CBT ended up being an eleven days out of thirteen stretch.  On two of those days, we had multiple CBT sessions.  Besides a bit of squeezing, all of the CBT was impact…NW punching me in the balls.  The punches were at varying degrees of frequency and strength, of course.  There were several nights where my balls were punched well over one hundred times (a couple nearing two hundred times).  We were able to maintain at least a low-level ache in them, twenty-four hours a day, for about two weeks.

We haven’t really revisited it in the past couple of weeks, however.

As for the denial, today is day number eighty-five.  NW did decide to give me a ruined orgasm on day seventy-five.  Unfortunately, though, it seemed to have no effect in any way.  Yes, I dribbled.  Yes, she timed it perfectly.  But…  I had no letdown in arousal or tension.  I did not feel sated, frustrated or even pleased that something had happened.  It was a complete non-event.  I am not sure how else to explain it.

That being said, NW still has not given a hint as to when she thinks I should have an orgasm.  As we are at day eighty-five, though, anything less than ninety would seem silly.  And, of course, if you hit ninety, one-hundred is right around the corner.  So, who knows?

I do suspect that there will be more ruined orgasms before full ones, though.  I just have no idea when or how many.