Ruined Orgasms Revisited…Part Two

Yeah, yeah…I know.  I was supposed to finish this long before now.  Sorry for the delay.

Back to the ruined orgasm experience…

The third way that I experience a ruined orgasm is for NW to stroke me to the point of no return and then just hold my cock.  She ceases any stroking or varying of pressure.  She simply holds my cock as the orgasm occurs.  This is ruined because I lose almost all of the stimulation that was driving me forward.  It most definitely is not a full orgasm, in any way.  It has the added twist, though, of prolonging the “orgasm”, even in a ruined state.  By that, I simply mean that you feel it rise, become starved of most stimulation and, as expected, crash.  It seems to be slightly drawn out, though.  The crash period is extended, though not necessarily increased in intensity.  There are more contractions and, usually, a bit more ejaculate, but ruined no less…with the corresponding emotional drop, physical discomfort and mild frustration.

The fourth, and most psychologically impacting, method of ruined orgasm is for NW to simply stroke me to/through the first contraction and to let go.  She can’t stop until the first contraction has started, whether it has happened or not.  When timed right, this ruined orgasm causes physical discomfort, immense frustration and has even given rise to agitation and anger in me.  The latter is, undoubtedly, caused by the degree of frustration that is experienced.  I believe this method is so soul-crushing simply because it really is a betrayal of a deceived body or, in my mind, a classic ruined orgasm.  By continuing on with the stimulation until the orgasm has actually begun, the body is 100% convinced that this is going to be a proper orgasm…and a damned good one with the preceding denial.  Then the bottom falls out!  It is like a person in the desert, dying of thirst, finally reaching the pool of water and finding it a mirage.  As I said, soul-crushing…

The final ruined orgasm experience is rather new to me.  This is where, much like number three, above, the orgasm is assured, stimulation is removed, but the hand, or thumb and finger(s), remain.  Their purpose is simply to apply pressure and prevent any ejaculate from leaving the body.  It could be used to cap the penis (cover the urethra), to pinch (close) the urethra along the shaft or even at the base of the penis.  Again, as with number three, this tends to prolong the contractions, as the body tries to expel the ejaculate.  I believe that the internal pressure helps to prolong the ejaculatory attempts.  Where this type of ruined orgasm excels, though, is in physical discomfort.  Your body tries, repeatedly, to ejaculate.  Contraction after contraction forces ejaculate forward.  Only…it has nowhere to go.  It is backed up and internal pressure just keeps rising.  Eventually the contractions stop and, once the blockage is removed, ejaculate dribbles out.  By this point, though, my balls, groin and urethra (up to the point of blockage) ache and can even mildly hurt.  It has an emotional drop-off.  It is frustrating, though not nearly as the previous type.  The main thing, however, is the physical discomfort.

And there they are…the five ways that I experience ruined orgasms.  Which is my favorite?  It really depends on my mood.  Right now, though, I am interested in exploring the last type.  NW has yet to cause the blockage at the base of my cock.  I am very interested in how that would play out.  I really like the ones where she stimulates me until I can’t stop but it takes several seconds for it to start.  It is a cool feeling, until the crash.  On some level, though, I crave the worst of them.  The one that leaves me the most frustrated.  I think that is because it has zero redeeming qualities…not even morbid curiosity.  And, after all, a ruined orgasm shouldn’t have anything good about it…right?

Ruined Orgasms Revisited…Part One

As I mentioned in my earlier post, NW has given me several ruined orgasms over the past four weeks.  Also, I mentioned that she had suggested using ruined orgasms as a way of extending our orgasm control/denial play.  Both of these have given me reason to contemplate the whole ruined orgasm phenomenon in greater detail.  So, I thought that I might revisit it here…because I like to share like that.

First, I need to define what I call a ruined orgasm (emphasis on ‘I’).  I say this because there are, like with many things, many versions.  For me…  A ruined orgasm requires that ejaculate be freed to exit the body, even if being manually prevented, and/or that at least one contraction (spasm) occurs.  If you are able to pull back from the edge without a contraction or the release of ejaculate, I do not consider it a ruined orgasm.  It wasn’t an orgasm at all.  You prevented the orgasm.  Please notice that I included an “and/or” in my qualification.

I have never contracted without releasing some degree of ejaculate (even though very small), though I am sure that some can.  I have, however, had ejaculate start leaving my body without ever having an orgasmic contraction.  In this case, I went just over the edge and was able to force the involved muscles to flex hard enough that they could not contract in orgasm.  Mind over matter, if you will.  I did not pull back from the edge.  I locked my muscles so that they stayed contracted, rather than cycling through the orgasmic waveform.  So, either or both I consider ruined.  If neither exists, it wasn’t anything.

Obviously, this also means that the stimulation which sent one over the edge is either removed, greatly diminished or changed into something unpleasant, once the point of no return has been crossed.  Otherwise, all orgasms would meet my definition.  So, once the line is crossed, stimulation can be removed, diminished (stroking/sucking stopped and only pressure remains) or the stimuli is changed (from stroking the cock to slapping it, painfully).  This is what causes the orgasm to ruin.  It is immediately starved of stimulation or it is overridden with some other, less pleasant, stimulation.

In our (or my) case, there are five ways that I experience a ruined orgasm.  Please note that the last option mentioned above is not included in these.  That is because NW is unwilling to slap my cock as hard as would be required to stop the orgasm.  Hitting my balls, as you probably guessed, just makes me cum harder.

Experience #1 and #2 – These are listed together because NW does the same in both cases.  The difference is in what I do.  NW stimulates me until I am just over the edge.  She stops the stimulation before I have a contraction.  Usually a few seconds before.  In experience number one, I fight the orgasm.  By this I mean that I lock/flex all muscles and fight as hard as I can not to orgasm.  I am usually successful in keeping my muscles flexed and, therefore, preventing orgasmic contractions.  When this happens, the experience is, mentally, a non-event.  By that I mean that I get no mental letdown from the experience.  I do not feel mentally frustrated or sated.  My arousal takes virtually no notice of anything having occurred.

What does happen is that a) I get a small release of ejaculate, which doesn’t actually escape until I am done fighting and I relax.  Even then it just kind of dribbles as I move about. b) I have a sense of being spent, mainly from having flexed so many muscles so hard.  Lastly, there is the ache that immediately settles in my balls and groin.  I assume this is from everything heading out the door only to find it closed and most of it still ending up trapped inside.

Experience number two is simply where I don’t fight the release.  This tends to result in one or two contractions, a dribbling flow of ejaculate (rarely any spurting) and a slight fall afterwards.  This experience includes very mild frustration…or perhaps a mild sense of emptiness?  The ache in my balls is still there, just not a strong.  The drop in arousal is greater than method one, but still very little.

Due to the length of this, I will finish in another post.

Sticking My Head Back Out…

It has, once again, been a good length since my last post.  NW has been harassing me about that.  So, here it is.

It has been one hundred and eight days since my last full orgasm.  To reflect back…  The first seventy-four days were tame and of little note.  There was, obviously, some teasing and CBT, but nothing of great importance.  On day seventy-five, NW gave me my first ruined orgasm of this period.  My last ruined orgasm was last Sunday.  That puts me at five ruined orgasms in a twenty-nine day period.  Doesn’t seem like much when I remember back to the days (very recently) when I would have five orgasms on any given day of the weekend.  It was a common occurrence.  But that was then.  Back to now…

The three-month threshold breached.  One hundred days surpassed.  Where do we go from here?  I mean, we are already at sixty-five days longer than I have ever gone without a full orgasm.  Of course, those markers only really mean something to me.  NW doesn’t seem to care about them…for the most part.  She only cares about how responsive I am after the denial.  I am so sensitive, rock hard and always craving attention.  Of course, giving attention is even more important.

As you would imagine, NW and I talk, often, about what has transpired and where we are heading.  We know that, eventually, this will run its course and it will, at least for a time, be set aside.  So, the question becomes, how do we sustain it for as long as possible?  We have discussed using ruined orgasms as a means to prolong this run.  That is a definite tool and something I will better address in a different post.  She has also said that she is going to want to give me a full orgasm, because a) she loves giving me pleasure and b) because she thinks that one full orgasm is safe (won’t cause a reset).  I have cautioned her against this.  It has been one hundred and eight days since I last fully ejaculated.  That is very significant to me.  That, in part, provides the will to continue.  She is correct that a full orgasm would not reset me physically.  I think that it would very much reset me mentally, however.  It would, in large part, feel like we were throwing away three and a half months of…whatever this is.  Could we get here again?  Sure.  But not without a lengthy wait.

So, ruined orgasms are going to have to suffice.  I have hinted that maybe I don’t need one per week, though.  They aren’t resetting me or making me want to end this.  It just feels wrong, even though there is little to no benefit.  Again, this is up to NW.  I have just put in my two cents.

When I explained that, she no longer felt that I needed to have a full orgasm any time soon.  So, where do we go from here?  I think we just keep moving forward.  I’ll have that orgasm when she wants me to have it, even if it resets me mentally.  Until then…six months, here we come!

Catching Up…

Wow!  Time flies!  It is hard to believe that it has almost been a month since my last update.  That was not intentional, of course.  Life just has a way of getting busy, as I am sure you all know.

Anyway, back to where we were.  Our three days of CBT ended up being an eleven days out of thirteen stretch.  On two of those days, we had multiple CBT sessions.  Besides a bit of squeezing, all of the CBT was impact…NW punching me in the balls.  The punches were at varying degrees of frequency and strength, of course.  There were several nights where my balls were punched well over one hundred times (a couple nearing two hundred times).  We were able to maintain at least a low-level ache in them, twenty-four hours a day, for about two weeks.

We haven’t really revisited it in the past couple of weeks, however.

As for the denial, today is day number eighty-five.  NW did decide to give me a ruined orgasm on day seventy-five.  Unfortunately, though, it seemed to have no effect in any way.  Yes, I dribbled.  Yes, she timed it perfectly.  But…  I had no letdown in arousal or tension.  I did not feel sated, frustrated or even pleased that something had happened.  It was a complete non-event.  I am not sure how else to explain it.

That being said, NW still has not given a hint as to when she thinks I should have an orgasm.  As we are at day eighty-five, though, anything less than ninety would seem silly.  And, of course, if you hit ninety, one-hundred is right around the corner.  So, who knows?

I do suspect that there will be more ruined orgasms before full ones, though.  I just have no idea when or how many.

Endings and Beginnings

Sometimes things don’t change…at least not immediately.

Last night was the third night in a row that NW and I enjoyed CBT.  We have been focusing less on the squeezing and more on impact play.  Meaning, NW secures my balls with her left hand and then punches them with her right.  Sometimes she punches quickly, sometimes slowly, and with varied force.  The idea is to work up to a rhythmic pounding where each blow is moderately, verging on extremely, painful, but at a pace that allows me the moment needed to digest it and accept the next.

This is a turn on to me for many reasons…the sexual nature, the will power needed to endure, the severe treatment of such a tender/sexual/personal area.  It is really interesting looking down and seeing my NW perched between my spread legs, balls in one hand and forcefully punching them with the other.  The wonderful smile on her face as I wince, writhe and moan.

Anyway, back to the title.  When I woke up this morning, I coaxed NW into squeezing my balls some more.  (Like I said, I am very horny).  We talked about the fact that it has been fifty-seven days.  That Saturday will make it sixty days (two full months).  We talked about whether or not she had any idea where she wanted to take this.  She isn’t sure.

What we do know, though, is that she has no intention of my next orgasm happening anytime this year.  Since she said that I likely won’t have one on New Year’s either (want to make sure we bring in the new year with me being denied), I know that I will, at least, hit the seventy day mark.  That will be four weeks longer than I have ever gone.

We will see…

All I Want For Christmas…

And so we reach day fifty-five.  When this started, back on October 22nd, I had no idea how long it would or wouldn’t last.  As it stands right now, I still don’t know.  All decisions as to whether or not I get to orgasm are now, and have been for about two weeks, firmly in NW’s hands.

The decision has always been NW’s.  It is just that we agreed that I would remain denied until three goals, that I had come up with, were met.  Once those goals were met, it was completely up to her.  As fate would have it, one of those goals has been abandoned because I am better served by doing so and pursuing a different path.  I will eventually get to it.  Other things have taken precedence, however.

A second goal will be achieved due to the publishing of this post.  This goal was rather pointless…to reach 50,000 hits on the blog.  It was just one more condition to put on my ability to have an orgasm.  When I wake up tomorrow morning, marking the completion of week eight of being denied, that goal will have been met.

This leaves one final goal.  Not a goal that the completion of which guarantees an immediate orgasm.  A goal that means NW is clear to give me an orgasm, if she so chooses.  It simply means that the goals have been met and the agreement to keep me denied at least until will have been met.

Things are becoming more difficult, however.  For the first six and a half weeks, I really had no problem with being denied.  Much to my surprise, I had been very much able to keep my want and frustration well in check.  The past week and a half, however, things have not been so easy.  I have been mindlessly horny.  Pretty much if it is humanoid, has a pulse and produces more estrogen than testosterone, it is a potential target for my lust.

Compounding this, it is far too easy for NW to get me edged and far too difficult for me to fall back from it.  Once I am edged, she can barely doing anything to/with my cock or I will go careening over the edge.  I am very much fully loaded and my body is primed to erupt.  There have been a couple of nights that just curling up behind NW has caused a…uh…vibration, for lack of a better word, to rise in my cock and nearly take me over the edge…with no actual external stimulation.

In any case, I am more than ready to have NW take me over the edge.  She seems in no way interested, though.  In fact, despite my telling her that the last goal might not be tenable (and it may not be), she says that she isn’t going to let me give up on it.  So, for the time being, at least, this is going to continue.

As a way to combat the growing want of orgasm, we have turned back to CBT.  It is not the same, obviously, but prolonged CBT does provide stimulation and has the effect, eventually, of exhausting me.  That exhaustion gives a sense of satiation…again, not the same.  So far, though, it has been enough to keep me going.

All that being said, I know what I won’t be getting for Christmas…

Still Here…

We are still here.  It has just been a really busy week.  We did fool around this weekend.  There was nothing really earth shattering to pass along.  Even if there was, there wasn’t much free time to pass it along in.

I guess the only thing worth mentioning is that it has been forty-nine days now.  Wednesday morning will make it fifty and a week more than my previous longest.  I can finally tell.  The first six weeks went by pretty easily.  I am starting to get antsy, though.

I am not sure how much longer this will go on, but the end doesn’t seem to be in sight.  I guess we will all find out about the same time.