All I Want For Christmas…

And so we reach day fifty-five.  When this started, back on October 22nd, I had no idea how long it would or wouldn’t last.  As it stands right now, I still don’t know.  All decisions as to whether or not I get to orgasm are now, and have been for about two weeks, firmly in NW’s hands.

The decision has always been NW’s.  It is just that we agreed that I would remain denied until three goals, that I had come up with, were met.  Once those goals were met, it was completely up to her.  As fate would have it, one of those goals has been abandoned because I am better served by doing so and pursuing a different path.  I will eventually get to it.  Other things have taken precedence, however.

A second goal will be achieved due to the publishing of this post.  This goal was rather pointless…to reach 50,000 hits on the blog.  It was just one more condition to put on my ability to have an orgasm.  When I wake up tomorrow morning, marking the completion of week eight of being denied, that goal will have been met.

This leaves one final goal.  Not a goal that the completion of which guarantees an immediate orgasm.  A goal that means NW is clear to give me an orgasm, if she so chooses.  It simply means that the goals have been met and the agreement to keep me denied at least until will have been met.

Things are becoming more difficult, however.  For the first six and a half weeks, I really had no problem with being denied.  Much to my surprise, I had been very much able to keep my want and frustration well in check.  The past week and a half, however, things have not been so easy.  I have been mindlessly horny.  Pretty much if it is humanoid, has a pulse and produces more estrogen than testosterone, it is a potential target for my lust.

Compounding this, it is far too easy for NW to get me edged and far too difficult for me to fall back from it.  Once I am edged, she can barely doing anything to/with my cock or I will go careening over the edge.  I am very much fully loaded and my body is primed to erupt.  There have been a couple of nights that just curling up behind NW has caused a…uh…vibration, for lack of a better word, to rise in my cock and nearly take me over the edge…with no actual external stimulation.

In any case, I am more than ready to have NW take me over the edge.  She seems in no way interested, though.  In fact, despite my telling her that the last goal might not be tenable (and it may not be), she says that she isn’t going to let me give up on it.  So, for the time being, at least, this is going to continue.

As a way to combat the growing want of orgasm, we have turned back to CBT.  It is not the same, obviously, but prolonged CBT does provide stimulation and has the effect, eventually, of exhausting me.  That exhaustion gives a sense of satiation…again, not the same.  So far, though, it has been enough to keep me going.

All that being said, I know what I won’t be getting for Christmas…

The Week In Review…

Okay, it is more like 10 days, but “a week” sounded better.  In either case, it shouldn’t have taken this long for me to post again.  I have just been swamped with…well…life.

So, to catch up.  Last weekend was a CBT extravaganza.  Yes, my previous post was about CBT.  That was two weekends ago, however.  This is in reference to last weekend.  In the thirty-five hour period from 11:00 Friday night, until 10:00 Sunday morning, we spent no less than six hours actively engaging in CBT.

What was done is the same list I give every time.  My testicles were squeezed (together and separately), rolled against each other, sucked to pain, pulled, slapped, flicked, punched and we even added kicking this time around.  Once my balls started to wear their soreness, on Friday night, the soreness/ache did not disappear until sometime late Tuesday.  I was pretty much ever aware of its presence.

There were really only two things of note, other than carrying it to a point that the soreness lasted two days beyond the last impact.  The first was the introduction of kicking.  We tried this with me sitting on the floor and NW stepping up and impacting with the top of her foot.  Then we tried it with me on my knees and her kicking from the front.  Lastly, we tried it with me on all fours and her standing to the rear of me.  By far, the best was the last.  The angle was wrong when I was just on my knees.  When I was sitting, my pubic bone kept catching the brunt of the impact.

From behind, with me on all fours, NW was able to target easily, transfer the energy into my cock and balls, instead of the bone, and play with the dangling mass.  It hurt like hell, but was definitely worth it.

The second thing of note was NW’s loss of inhibition.  Friday night, she had expressed concern that we were going too far.  That she might actually be doing damage.  By the latter half of Saturday night and into Sunday morning, all such talk had disappeared and she was hurting me without much thought.

Now, I realize that she was still being mindful of not ripping my testicles off (thank you, NW).  She had pretty much decided that if I didn’t erupt in protest pain, that she was good to go and hurt me according.  All in all, it was rather agonizing and insanely blissful at the same time.  I cannot begin to tell you how many times I was edged from the pain.

Well, that was last weekend.  This weekend has been much more tame…and that is good as well.  She has had lots of orgasms.  I have had no orgasms.  I did finally receive stroking to my shaft.  That was ecstatic on so many levels.  I had done a little breath play with her.  She comes so hard from having her air removed.  It is almost a guaranteed eruption of female ejaculation.  And it makes me leak like no one’s business.  So, I guess that it works for both of us.

Anyway…40 days down…who knows how many more.

Computer Based Training…

That’s what CBT used to mean to me.  The first time I ever heard it used in the “Cock and Ball Torture” sense, I was rather confused.  I wasn’t sure how a computer worked into it.  Now I understand, though…information and porn.

Anyway, this morning is twenty-six days.  We are still going strong.  We did have a brief discussion about how this is playing out, last night.  I will explain that later.  For now, I want to convey the wonderful night that NW and I had.

As I have mentioned before, there is very little sex going on during the week.  When we do have sex, my cock (shaft and head) has been ignored.  Everything that I receive, with the exception of a few moments sucking, a few days ago,  is direct at my balls.  As one might guess, that means that 95+% of the stimulation that I receive is in the form of discomfort.  I say “discomfort”, instead of “pain”, because it isn’t all intense enough to qualify as pain.  Much of it is mildly uncomfortable.  For instance, light squeezing, light impact, light tugging/pulling and rolling my balls around and against each other, all cause slight discomfort, but nothing that I would classify as painful.

This whole way of approaching things is very intriguing to me.  Every time that NW and I play, she edges me, multiple times, through discomfort/pain.  I find it interesting because there is no lead up into this.  Normally I would be teased, stroked and sucked until I have been edged a few times and then the discomfort is applied.  I required the initial pleasure in order to get to a place where the pain could take me over the edge.  I don’t seem to need that any longer.

Don’t misunderstand me.  All discomfort/pain will not lead me to orgasm.  The fact that there is any type of discomfort/pain, at all, that can take me from a cold start to edged is pretty fucking awesome.  We are both interested to see what happens if we continue to starve my cock of stimulation, keep me denied and continue with the ball torment.

That leads to last night.  As stated, I haven’t had an orgasm of any kind in twenty-six days.  Other than the moments of sucking, I haven’t had any cock stimulation.  By last night, I was in need.  NW was kind enough to meet that need.  It came in the form of, literally, two and a half hours of ball torture.  Throughout the session I gave her orgasms.  All of them were manual, as we were avoiding oral and didn’t want to pleasure my cock with intercourse.  They were delivered via the usual avenues…fingering her clit, tweaking her clit, finger fucking her pussy and ass, tweaking her nipples, choking her, etc…  If you have read my blog, you know all of the various ways.

For my part, she did everything from light squeezing/slapping to squeezing as hard as she could…both together, separately, rolling them together.  I couldn’t believe that I was able to take it.  The pain was so incredible, though.  She slapped my balls, slowly, quickly, soft, hard.  She would string together ten of fifteen medium punches, in rapid order, directed on to my balls.  She hit me a few times and left me balled up, nursing my agonized manhood.

Again, this went on for two and a half hours.  Then we finally made it to bed.  A few hours later, I awoke and took the opportunity to wake her with three more orgasms.  She repaid me by having my hold my balls for her and punching them.

When we awoke this morning, we spent another half an hour with me giving her orgasms and her torturing my balls.  Yes, they are sore.  Yes, it feels fucking incredible.  Now, back to real life for a few days.

Another Great Morning

As seems to be the pattern during vacations, NW and I had another active morning.  This follows an extremely active day, much like when I first started this blog.  Cycles…always in cycles.

I won’t bore you with a detailed account.  They tend to get rather redundant.  I will say that it involved the tweaking of still very tender nipples, pussy slapping, near fisting (four fingers), violent g spot stimulation, choking, hair pulling and a spate of mindblowing orgasms…for NW.  I was, of course, teased, edged, drained of pre-cum and left wanting…as it should be.

NW showed no interest whatsoever in allowing me to have an orgasm.  In fact, we discussed the current session, during our play.  NW is, by her description, ashamed to admit that she is being selfish with the denial.  It seems that she is really enjoying my increased want/libido.  Also, she is enjoying the frame of mind that this puts me in.  As counterintuitive as it may seem, being in denial heightens my dominance.  I have often said that I am the dominant one in our relationship.  This is true.  It does not usually come across as being domineering, however.  When in denial, I become very domineering, with respect to sex.  Since NW loves the feeling of being submissive, she is using the denial to bring out a more forceful side of me.

She may feel guilty about her “selfishness”, but I am enjoying it.  Otherwise, I might not be on day eleven.  Of course, she also said that she doesn’t really feel like she is controlling things.  That feeling seems to stem from my having mentioned wanting to make it at least a month without having an orgasm.  I had to explain to her that the decision is hers.  God willing, there will be many more months in our lives and it doesn’t have to be this one.  Not to mention, there have been at least three times, since we started, that I would have chosen to have an orgasm but have, albeit willingly, complied with her desire to deny me.  She is very much in control.  I think she now sees that.


Mornings are such a wonderful time, especially on non-work days.  The past two days have been wonderful examples.  Yesterday morning, I got out of bed to brush my teeth and do a couple of things.  I had every intention of climbing back into bed with NW, since she roused when I got up.  She knew that I would be back.  She was horny (of course) and was having wonderful thoughts of me doing gentle, slow, orgasmic things to her.  I, however, not knowing this, was in a completely different mood.

Once I climbed in bed, I moved in behind her.  I grabbed her ponytail, to lock her head down, and began tweaking her nipples…hard.  She was in obvious discomfort.  I asked her if it hurt and she replied in the affirmative.  I slapped her thigh and asked her if she wanted to hurt for me.  She hesitated, then told me she had hoped for something gentle.  I told her that I wanted her to hurt for me.  Something about wanting her to earn the denial she was enforcing on me…which, of course, are completely unrelated.  She rolled onto her side, away from me, and I reached my arm beneath her head, half wrapped it around her neck and grabbed her upper arm on the opposite side.  This, in effect, locked her upper body down and put it under my control.

For those of you who are not aware, I am over twice NW’s weight and extremely strong.  Once I take control of her, she is not getting away from me.  She has tried and failed, time and again, and she loves it.

I locked one of her legs between mine and extended one of them to hold down her other.  She was locked down, unable to effectively struggle and her legs were wide open.  I began biting her on the neck, shoulder, arm and flanks.  All the while, I continued slapping her inner thigh.  Eventually I settled on her right nipple.  I took a portion of the breast in my mouth and set my lower teeth right across her nipple.  Then I bit down hard.  She writhed and winced.  I bit harder, still popping her inner thigh.  Then I went for her pussy.

There was to be no gentle stroking of her clit, this morning.  I slapped it hard.  Her body protested, but not her mouth.  Five times I slapped it.  Each time, pain registered on her face.  She was not completely enjoying this.  So I released her nipple and assaulted the other, in the exact same manner.  I resumed slapping her exposed pussy.  She still seemed to want it to end, obviously in pain.  Then it happened.  She came.  The game was over.  She had succumbed to it and there was no turning back.

I bit harder, causing her to arch in pain, and slapped her pussy harder.  She came again…and then again.  I moved back to the first nipple and repeated.  She came again.

Moving to biting other exposed flesh, I roughly inserted two fingers and violently thrashed about deep in her pussy, assaulting her cervix.  And yes, she continued to come.  I released her heaving body.  She was as wet as I can ever remember.  And by wet, I mean lubrication, not the ejaculate that she had sprayed all over the bed.  She had not wanted this, but quickly was consumed by it.  It was a good thing.

Last night we played again and I gave her the gentle attention that she had earlier craved.  It took a lot of work to get her there.  She said that the gentle sensations felt great, but were not intense enough to get her to orgasm easily.  When she did get there, she said that the orgasm was not nearly as intense.  I knew that.  It was obvious.

Then, this morning, I got the rare pleasure of being awakened by NW.  I almost always wake up first, but not today.  I got to awaken to my naughty wife stroking my swollen, denied cock.  It was wonderful.  She edged me five times before we were done.  And, as usual, she devoured my pre-sum, while sharing a bit with me.

And yes, she was serviced as well.  Other than tweaking her nipples, I was not rough with her.  I did avoid touching her pussy, though.  I made her grind against my leg to reach orgasm.  In fact, she has been told that any orgasms she received today would all have to come from riding my leg.  No toys, fingers or mouth will touch it (unless I decide I need to taste it tonight).

If you’re wondering why she doesn’t do it herself, it is because she is not allowed to masturbate while I am being denied.  No, I am not denying her.  She will have more orgasms in one session that I would have in half a month of normal sex and masturbation.  It’s just that all of her orgasms have to come from me.

It looks as though it will be an interesting day.

Best Laid Plans

NW and I started our little fun time early, on Monday.  By Tuesday morning, we had to revamp most of it.

Given the type of atmosphere that NW wanted for this, the force, the pain, the objectification, I had two major concerns.  The first concern was that NW would slip into subspace and not come out.  I know that is a bit irrational of me, but it seems to me to be a type of shock that the recipient goes into.  What if it went too far?  What is she required medical attention?  At least here, her having given me permission, and even wanted, to be caned until she was welted, marked and out of it, is irrelevant.  It would be considered a crime.

My second concern was that the violence would throw her back, psychologically, to her previous marriage, which was both physically and mentally abusive.  My second fear began to rear its head, by Tuesday morning, and we had to scale things back…way back.

You see, I had certain rules and expectations, which were necessary to maintain her sense of submission and for proper objectification.  When these dictates were not met, or adhered to, there were consequences.  She feared the consequences, as she should have.  That fear, though, changed to dread and was very much like her previous life.  The trigger had been pulled.  But not before her ass wore the bruises and welts from Monday night’s caning.

So, we decided to confine this play to our evening playtime.  Her desires were still in place.  They just needed to be confined into a secure area of space and time.  But, even that didn’t happen, last night.  We learned something very important.  NW cannot be denied!  You can tease her mercilessly, as long as an orgasm, or sixty, is had.  If you edge her, though, then don’t allow her to orgasm, all sexual desire dies in less than an hour from ending play.  Not just the want of orgasm, but all libido.  Lucky so-and-so.  No denial for NW.  Just t&d, with a glorious orgasm as the capstone.

With both woke, this morning, with raging libidos.  We rolled around, groped one another, much like animals.  I bit her, choked her, clawed her, fingered her and brought her orgasm after orgasm.  She stroked me, sucked me, squeezed and slapped my balls and, yes, teased and denied me.  Today will be an interesting day.

For those keeping score, I did not orgasm.  We are on day twenty-two, since my last full orgasm.  And, right now, I want to cum…bad.  It is not overwhelming.  I do not need to be caged in order to prevent me from doing it myself.  But, my want of orgasm is higher than my want of denial.  In less than ten days, we will hit a month of denial, for the first time.  I very much want to hit that mark, but, for now, not as much as I want to cum.

I told NW that I wanted to orgasm.  I asked her if we could.  She said, “no”.  She wants me as horny as I am.  She is not willing to risk the drop in libido.  Very, wonderfully, selfish of her.  I knew what her answer would be.  Since this is the first time that my want of orgasm has exceeded my want of denial, though, I decided to go ahead and ask.  Why?  So that I could get used to hearing her say, “no”, when I knew that I could handle it.  So that she could experience saying, “no”, a) when the request was real and b) so that she could get comfortable with it.  So, she is selfish and I am manipulative.  But let’s be honest, it is far better for us to be comfortable with her refusing to allow me to orgasm, and make it normal, than to try to accept it, cold turkey, when I am about to explode.

In any case, if her libido holds, as mine surely will, then I am going to work on her fantasies tonight.  If not, then we will just do what we do.

Into the Abyss

As you all know, this blog has mainly been about male chastity and orgasm denial.  For the next few days, that is going to change.  NW has wants/needs and, as dark as they are, we are about to venture to meet them.

As stated numerous times, NW is the submissive personality in our relationship.  We are not in a D/s relationship.  At times, though, we do play this, for a session, or even a day.  The insane levels of arousal that we have been experiencing, of late, have raised the level of her want to near critical mass.  So, starting Tuesday, we are going to revisit her submission and cross into uncharted territory.

NW has fantasized, since before we even met, of being in a relationship/situation where she is completely objectified.  Where she is a slave, devoid of any rights or consideration.  Where she is forced down into the depths of submission, taken to the limits of her comfort/tolerance and pushed right on over them.  She wants to be taken as far as she can possibly endure and then have me continue on.

The thought is it arouses her immensely, but scares her as well.  Likewise, the thought of it generates insane arousal in me, but terrifies me as well.  This is my wife, my lover, my best friend (yeah, and the one who controls my orgasms).  I love her with all of my heart.  I have spent nearly a dozen years protecting her, comforting her, providing an environment to help her leave her past behind and grow.

What she is asking of me is no small thing.  What she desires requires that I put all of that aside and, in essence, become that which I have worked to protect and free her from.  We, or I, will be treading lightly, but carrying it as far as possible.

The duration of this has not been decided.  it will be anywhere from one to three days, depending on how things go.  During this time, NW will be what I call a “slave”, as opposed to a “sub”.  By that, I simply mean that she will be devoid of rights.  The right to complain, to ask for anything, or to be considered, beyond her health…mental and physical.  She will serve my mundane needs.  She will service me, sexually.  She will be bound, used, cropped, caned and flogged, until she begs me to stop.  She will be forced to orgasm until she pleads for it to end.  In neither case, however, will I go easy on her.  To do so would be to fall short of the aim.

How will this play out?  We are not sure.  For once, we haven’t “been there, done that”.  We shall see.

For those of you wondering how this might impact our chastity/OD goals, NW has given me authority to cum as much as I like during this time.  We both feel that it is kind of necessary, and that it is a natural part of the domination.  Why?  Because my semen can be a player in driving her into that submissive mindset.  Not to mention, violating her body with my cock is knid of important.  As it stands right now, though, any penetration is short-lived, because I get so close, so quickly.

That being said, it is my intention NOT to orgasm.  There are a couple of reasons for this…1) I know that, once this is over, I will regret having done it and 2) In order to give this to her, I need to be as aroused as possible.  I cannot muster the intensity necessary for this in the absense of arousal.