The Power of Fantasy And My Poor Testicle

It has been a few days since I posted.  I need to catch up a little bit.  Not that there is a lot to say, but I suppose someone wants to know.

My last full orgasm was last Thursday.  I have had two ruined orgasms, in that time.  One was accidental.  One was intentional.  When I will have my next full orgasm, I don’t know.  Right now, NW does not seem interested in denying me.  So, I have been denying myself.  I think the main drive behind it is the want of arousal…intense arousal.

A good bit of this, honestly, is because I have rekindled my relationship with fantasy and self-edging.  Since last week, I have returned to my normal routine of ‘masturbation’.  As a rule, every morning, afternoon and evening (assuming time permits for the latter), I will enjoy some porn, play with myself, edge myself (repeatedly) and leave myself frustrated and fully charged.  Any release is reserved for NW.  All the while, I am able to view the naughtiness on my computer and use the images there to drift into all sorts of enlivening fantasies.

The ability to pleasure myself, even short of orgasm, keeps me wound up, sated (mentally) and ready to try new things and pleasure NW.  In fact, NW really reaped the benefits, on Sunday morning.  We started fooling around and I let my want get a bit out of hand.  After making her orgasm until she was actually trying to get away, she found herself with all four fingers, on my right hand, as deep in her pussy as they would go.  Not to be outdone, my thumb dug into her asshole.  I violently thrusted in and out, tried to push deeper and even used my grip to push her down into the mattress and lift her off of it.  She was still sore yesterday…but had immense…uh…fun?

Back to the title, though.  My poor testicle?  Well, you see, after playing with NW, Sunday morning, I was more than a little worked up.  She did not get me there, and I didn’t want to get there.  I was hungering for something more intense and a mere orgasm wasn’t going to cut it.  So, I retired to the bathroom.

I broke out the laptop and started the fantasy wind up.  Not that I needed it to wind me up.  NW had already done that.  But I needed something to keep it going, for what I was going to do.

Long story short, a one and a half inch hypodermic needle was pushed into, and then all the way through, my left testicle.  I was skewered!  Did it hurt?  Yes…but not a badly as you would think.  Going slow really helps.  Of course, going through the skin is only mildly painful.  It is a sharp pain, but brief, and most of you have experienced it in some form.

It is the second barrier, the sheath around the testicle that is actually the most painful.  As the needle presses against it, you get a sense that a nerve is being hit.  I am not sure how to explain it.  It is almost like being shocked with electricity.  Going slow, though, helps to minimize it.  Of course, there is also the ‘pop’, as the needle pierces/tears through it.  The sheath must be thick and strong.

The interior of the testicle is almost a non-event.  Once you get through the sheath, the needle glides through the meat of the testicle with little resistance and, oddly, not a lot of sensation.

In any case, there I sit…my left nut skewered on a hypodermic needle.  I noticed that the sheath and skin, at that exit point, are really squeezing the needle tightly.  I begin to fumble with my cock, to get it out of the way, and start twisting the needle, to see if I can loosen the grip on it.  I was really concerned that pulling it out would be excruciating, given how tight I was around it.

Then it happened.  Between the thoughtless pressure I was putting on my cock, just to keep it out of the way, and the wondrous feeling of the needle twisting, through the whole of my testicle, there arose a slight sense of rising pressure/urgency.  All of the sensation, though, was centered in the testicle.  I released my cock and the needle.  It kept rising, though.  Fully ten to fifteen seconds later, my scrotum drawn up tight (which increased the sensation in my testicle), my half erect cock erupted.  The first spurt actually hit me in the upper chest.  Despite the potential for a mind-blowing orgasm, I let it ruin.  More out of fear than anything.

While it was obviously pleasure that caused all of it to happen, there was also almost an auto response to what I was experiencing.  Not necessarily born of pleasure, but of sensation.  Mentally, it was not pleasurable, at the time.  Fear killed that.  I didn’t know what would happen when I came this way.  My scrotum had drawn up, sperm was pumping, contractions were occurring.  What if it caused real damage?  What if the needle broke?  It didn’t.

In retrospect, it was cool as hell!  I had just skewered my left testicle.  And with only the sensation of pushing my cock out of the way and twisting the needle running through my testicle, a flicker of an orgasm was born.  And orgasm that came alive and gave fruition to itself feeding only off the sensations created by my pierced testicle.

This wasn’t the only needle play, though.  More to follow…

Full Orgasm

Well, as good as it was…and the contractions seemed to go on forever…it was diminished by the previous two night’s ruined orgasms.  I am not complaining, mind you.  It still felt great to be able to carry through a full orgasm after six weeks of being denied one.  Not surprisingly, I remained pretty close to fully erect for a couple of minutes afterwards.  After ten minutes or so, I could have gone again.  It was late, though, and we were both wiped out.

Also, I masturbated, this morning.  Not to orgasm, mind you, but I edged myself a couple of time.  It felt really good.  And…I was able to fantasize while doing it.  It was a welcome return of a old friend.  I am already looking forward to tonight.

Concerning that, I have no idea how it will play out.  I suspect that there will be stroking, sucking, licking and depending on NW, some anal sex.  It should be a great start to the weekend.

Resolution?

After much talk and deliberation, we have concluded/realized the following…I have not wanted sex for several days, neither has NW, really.  I have not been happy, or this hasn’t been fun, for about the same period.  If I am not happy or having fun, neither is NW.  There is no amount of ruined orgasms that is going to fix this.

So, this evening, or tomorrow, I am going to have a full orgasm.  I will, at least for now, be free to pleasure myself…but will stop short of orgasm.  This weekend, we are going to have a blowout.  We are going to go at it like rabid bunnies and indulge in some things (anal sex, for one) that we have been avoiding for fear that I would cross the line.  Also, not worrying about whether or not I orgasm will let us go at it unbridled.

How many orgasms?  We don’t know and we don’t care.  We just want to reset this, have fun that we have been avoiding, and see where we are when the smoke clears.  It may be back to denial, it may not.  I find it highly likely, though, that the OC will still be in place.  Since I am not masturbating, NW will still be my only source of orgasm.  She will still be able to tell me that she doesn’t want me to come, even this weekend, but I don’t think that will come up.

In summation, the denial will end, at least for a few days.  The control will remain intact.  We will go from there.

Addendum

Thinking a little more on my state of mind, something else jumped out at me.  I don’t fantasize anymore.  That has always been a huge player in my level of arousal and want of sex.  Porn, whether stories, pics or videos always fueled fantasy.  Any more, though, I just don’t fantasize.  Probably because I used fantasy when masturbating, whether to orgasm or not.  Since I don’t masturbate, or even play with myself, the fantasy has become pointless and fallen by the wayside.

That has blown a huge hole in how I normally function.  It has, no doubt, contributed to me being where I am…wanting an orgasm but having no real interest in sex.  I think this is more frustrating than the ruined orgasms, as it has made this more work than fun.

The Day After

The day after my…er…experience was one of heightened arousal.  The interesting thing is, it wasn’t translating into a want of sex.  I was as horny as I had been since we started this, now forty-two day, stretch, without a full orgasm.  Even so, I was not jonesing to pleasure NW, to be pleasured by NW or to do much else.  I just had an incredibly high sense of arousal and want of having it sated.

I think that I have become bored with things.  Sex has fallen into a pattern.  I am teased and denied full orgasm/alleviation of pressure.  NW has numerous orgasms.  She is brought to orgasm by intercourse (her on top) or manual stimulation.  I am ridden, stroked or sucked, all the while being mindful of where I am in the cycle and fighting to not have an orgasm.  I look at porn…it leaves me flat.  I see a sexy female…she is off-limits.  I want an orgasm…I can’t have it.

I think the biggest issue is that the denial has lot its edge.  Orgasm is the natural indicator that sex is complete.  When being denied, it becomes a motivator in its own right…replacing orgasms as fulfilling goal.  When being denied loses its intensity, though, it loses me.  The goal now, I would think, is to find a way to rekindle that, without having to take a break and reset.

I would regret a reset, no doubt.  That, however, is just a mind game.  I have been forty-two days without a full orgasm.  I want it to go longer.  Usually, the thought of being denied a full orgasm for a long period is enough to drive it.  Right now, though, that is hazy, at best.  I really have no idea where this is going.  I don’t know when it will end.  I do know that, unless we can find a way to reawaken it, it may end soon.

Even yesterday, NW and I talked about the ruined the night before.  It was intense, as I have conveyed.  I hated it, but I was already craving it again.  It wasn’t that I was craving it in some masochistic way.  I was craving it because it, and my response, were intense.

So, last night was almost an exact repeat of the night before.  NW got me hard.  She mounted and rode me.  She orgasmed.  I didn’t.  She edged me five or six times.  I was given another, stroke through the first contraction, ruined orgasm.  It was just as empty, “wrong” and frustrating as the night before.  This time, however, I was mentally prepared for it.  I did not get agitated and angry.  Hell, I had asked for it.  But the physical sensations were all there…and it was miserable.

What next?  I have no clue.  Part of me is ready for a reset.  Part of me wants the denial to continue.  Part of me just wants to forget the whole thing and quit worrying with it.  Of course, life has been uber busy and stressful, of late.  That isn’t helping.  All I can really say is that we are as much in the dark about tonight, tomorrow and beyond, as you are.

Oh…one other thing…my fucking balls ache…

Finally! Wow Was It Ruined…

Having finally passed the forty day mark, and well into day forty-one, NW decided that it was time for her to execute her first intentionally ruined orgasm.

The evening started like almost every other work night.  We climbed into bed and I asked NW what she was in the mood for.  With her parts finally mended, she wanted intercourse…no doubt about it.  I didn’t even warm her up.  She played with me until I was full on and then mounted me.  Again, she used the back and forth, instead of the up and down.  I let her ride me, with no other stimulation, for a minute or so.  She would speed up and slow down, bringing herself heightened pleasure but keeping it under control.  Then I started lightly playing with her nipples.  In little time, she was going over into her first orgasm.

I increased the pressure on her nipples and rolled them between my fingers.  Another, harder orgasm emerged.  She started riding with increased fervor and erupted into another orgasm, or chain of them, that went on for thirty to forty-five seconds,  From my perspective, it seemed like one.  She said that it was actually several of them tied together with no break, just peaks and valleys…very shallow valleys.  She came down, them erupted once more, but I had hit my limit and she had to dismount.  Once off of me, I used my fingers to give her two more, before she turned her attention to me.

She edged me five or six times before she decided that the time was right.  Every other time that she has given me a ruined orgasm, over the years, it has been by accident.  She would stroke me, I would warn her off, but I was just too close.  She would stop, but it would continue to grow and I would, eventually, cross over the line.  Tonight, with her first intention ruined, she decided to go a little differently.  She wanted to stroke me until the first contraction had occurred.  I had no idea what I was in for.

She stroked me until I was nearing edge and told me that she wanted me to go over.  I lay there and felt myself pass the normal point where I would warn her off.  The build up was incredible.  My whole body tensed.  A warm flash, literally, rolled up my body…starting at my feet and going through my scalp.  I have only felt that, to that intensity, one other time in my life.  That was from an adrenaline rush in a life threatening situation.  Yet, here it was again, from having crossed the point of no return on an orgasm, forty and a half days after my last one.

I felt the first contraction rock my world.  The build up had finally come to fruition…and was still building.  Then she released my cock.

I guess that I have never really experienced a proper ruined orgasm before.  Maybe it was a result of the extended period of denial.  Whatever it was, it was horrid.  Ruined is far too tame a word.  I went from the heights of impending bliss, having tasted a bit of it, driven by anticipation, to a contracting mass in the pit of misery.

When she released my cock, all pleasure disappeared immediately.  My cock spurted, weakly.  It struggled.  It felt like the floor had been ripped from beneath it.  It is hard to describe.  Maybe like passing a seven course meal in front of someone who is starving, and only giving them a green bean to eat.  I was left pleasure less, empty, incomplete, frustrated as I have ever been…squared.  I was agitated, even mildly angry.  It was miserable.

Fortunately, I experienced the same drop in arousal that has typically accompanied my ruined orgasms.  That loss of want allowed me to deal with the frustration and agitation, after a few minutes.  I’m not sure that I wouldn’t rather just stay denied than to go through that again.  For now, that is up to NW.

And my libido?  It is raging, right now.  It is as high as it has been since we started this play.  If I can call last night “play”.  I need to come!  Hopefully work will abate that some…

Easy Does It

Another quiet night.  NW and I were both wiped out by bedtime.  Neither of us was in the mood to play.  So, we didn’t.  We crawled into bed and indulged in some cuddling and really good sleep.  We needed it.

This morning, however, I was awakened by NW lightly playing with the head of my cock.  She said that I was erect, in record time.  Then my cock decided to wake me up.  What a wonderful way to start the day.  Over the next f3w minutes, NW edged me three times.  I, still avoiding intercourse, brought her to orgasm multiple times.  Then it was off to the shower.  She is thinking that, maybe, tomorrow might be the day.  Only time will tell…