Endings and Beginnings

Sometimes things don’t change…at least not immediately.

Last night was the third night in a row that NW and I enjoyed CBT.  We have been focusing less on the squeezing and more on impact play.  Meaning, NW secures my balls with her left hand and then punches them with her right.  Sometimes she punches quickly, sometimes slowly, and with varied force.  The idea is to work up to a rhythmic pounding where each blow is moderately, verging on extremely, painful, but at a pace that allows me the moment needed to digest it and accept the next.

This is a turn on to me for many reasons…the sexual nature, the will power needed to endure, the severe treatment of such a tender/sexual/personal area.  It is really interesting looking down and seeing my NW perched between my spread legs, balls in one hand and forcefully punching them with the other.  The wonderful smile on her face as I wince, writhe and moan.

Anyway, back to the title.  When I woke up this morning, I coaxed NW into squeezing my balls some more.  (Like I said, I am very horny).  We talked about the fact that it has been fifty-seven days.  That Saturday will make it sixty days (two full months).  We talked about whether or not she had any idea where she wanted to take this.  She isn’t sure.

What we do know, though, is that she has no intention of my next orgasm happening anytime this year.  Since she said that I likely won’t have one on New Year’s either (want to make sure we bring in the new year with me being denied), I know that I will, at least, hit the seventy day mark.  That will be four weeks longer than I have ever gone.

We will see…

All I Want For Christmas…

And so we reach day fifty-five.  When this started, back on October 22nd, I had no idea how long it would or wouldn’t last.  As it stands right now, I still don’t know.  All decisions as to whether or not I get to orgasm are now, and have been for about two weeks, firmly in NW’s hands.

The decision has always been NW’s.  It is just that we agreed that I would remain denied until three goals, that I had come up with, were met.  Once those goals were met, it was completely up to her.  As fate would have it, one of those goals has been abandoned because I am better served by doing so and pursuing a different path.  I will eventually get to it.  Other things have taken precedence, however.

A second goal will be achieved due to the publishing of this post.  This goal was rather pointless…to reach 50,000 hits on the blog.  It was just one more condition to put on my ability to have an orgasm.  When I wake up tomorrow morning, marking the completion of week eight of being denied, that goal will have been met.

This leaves one final goal.  Not a goal that the completion of which guarantees an immediate orgasm.  A goal that means NW is clear to give me an orgasm, if she so chooses.  It simply means that the goals have been met and the agreement to keep me denied at least until will have been met.

Things are becoming more difficult, however.  For the first six and a half weeks, I really had no problem with being denied.  Much to my surprise, I had been very much able to keep my want and frustration well in check.  The past week and a half, however, things have not been so easy.  I have been mindlessly horny.  Pretty much if it is humanoid, has a pulse and produces more estrogen than testosterone, it is a potential target for my lust.

Compounding this, it is far too easy for NW to get me edged and far too difficult for me to fall back from it.  Once I am edged, she can barely doing anything to/with my cock or I will go careening over the edge.  I am very much fully loaded and my body is primed to erupt.  There have been a couple of nights that just curling up behind NW has caused a…uh…vibration, for lack of a better word, to rise in my cock and nearly take me over the edge…with no actual external stimulation.

In any case, I am more than ready to have NW take me over the edge.  She seems in no way interested, though.  In fact, despite my telling her that the last goal might not be tenable (and it may not be), she says that she isn’t going to let me give up on it.  So, for the time being, at least, this is going to continue.

As a way to combat the growing want of orgasm, we have turned back to CBT.  It is not the same, obviously, but prolonged CBT does provide stimulation and has the effect, eventually, of exhausting me.  That exhaustion gives a sense of satiation…again, not the same.  So far, though, it has been enough to keep me going.

All that being said, I know what I won’t be getting for Christmas…

The Week In Review…

Okay, it is more like 10 days, but “a week” sounded better.  In either case, it shouldn’t have taken this long for me to post again.  I have just been swamped with…well…life.

So, to catch up.  Last weekend was a CBT extravaganza.  Yes, my previous post was about CBT.  That was two weekends ago, however.  This is in reference to last weekend.  In the thirty-five hour period from 11:00 Friday night, until 10:00 Sunday morning, we spent no less than six hours actively engaging in CBT.

What was done is the same list I give every time.  My testicles were squeezed (together and separately), rolled against each other, sucked to pain, pulled, slapped, flicked, punched and we even added kicking this time around.  Once my balls started to wear their soreness, on Friday night, the soreness/ache did not disappear until sometime late Tuesday.  I was pretty much ever aware of its presence.

There were really only two things of note, other than carrying it to a point that the soreness lasted two days beyond the last impact.  The first was the introduction of kicking.  We tried this with me sitting on the floor and NW stepping up and impacting with the top of her foot.  Then we tried it with me on my knees and her kicking from the front.  Lastly, we tried it with me on all fours and her standing to the rear of me.  By far, the best was the last.  The angle was wrong when I was just on my knees.  When I was sitting, my pubic bone kept catching the brunt of the impact.

From behind, with me on all fours, NW was able to target easily, transfer the energy into my cock and balls, instead of the bone, and play with the dangling mass.  It hurt like hell, but was definitely worth it.

The second thing of note was NW’s loss of inhibition.  Friday night, she had expressed concern that we were going too far.  That she might actually be doing damage.  By the latter half of Saturday night and into Sunday morning, all such talk had disappeared and she was hurting me without much thought.

Now, I realize that she was still being mindful of not ripping my testicles off (thank you, NW).  She had pretty much decided that if I didn’t erupt in protest pain, that she was good to go and hurt me according.  All in all, it was rather agonizing and insanely blissful at the same time.  I cannot begin to tell you how many times I was edged from the pain.

Well, that was last weekend.  This weekend has been much more tame…and that is good as well.  She has had lots of orgasms.  I have had no orgasms.  I did finally receive stroking to my shaft.  That was ecstatic on so many levels.  I had done a little breath play with her.  She comes so hard from having her air removed.  It is almost a guaranteed eruption of female ejaculation.  And it makes me leak like no one’s business.  So, I guess that it works for both of us.

Anyway…40 days down…who knows how many more.

Computer Based Training…

That’s what CBT used to mean to me.  The first time I ever heard it used in the “Cock and Ball Torture” sense, I was rather confused.  I wasn’t sure how a computer worked into it.  Now I understand, though…information and porn.

Anyway, this morning is twenty-six days.  We are still going strong.  We did have a brief discussion about how this is playing out, last night.  I will explain that later.  For now, I want to convey the wonderful night that NW and I had.

As I have mentioned before, there is very little sex going on during the week.  When we do have sex, my cock (shaft and head) has been ignored.  Everything that I receive, with the exception of a few moments sucking, a few days ago,  is direct at my balls.  As one might guess, that means that 95+% of the stimulation that I receive is in the form of discomfort.  I say “discomfort”, instead of “pain”, because it isn’t all intense enough to qualify as pain.  Much of it is mildly uncomfortable.  For instance, light squeezing, light impact, light tugging/pulling and rolling my balls around and against each other, all cause slight discomfort, but nothing that I would classify as painful.

This whole way of approaching things is very intriguing to me.  Every time that NW and I play, she edges me, multiple times, through discomfort/pain.  I find it interesting because there is no lead up into this.  Normally I would be teased, stroked and sucked until I have been edged a few times and then the discomfort is applied.  I required the initial pleasure in order to get to a place where the pain could take me over the edge.  I don’t seem to need that any longer.

Don’t misunderstand me.  All discomfort/pain will not lead me to orgasm.  The fact that there is any type of discomfort/pain, at all, that can take me from a cold start to edged is pretty fucking awesome.  We are both interested to see what happens if we continue to starve my cock of stimulation, keep me denied and continue with the ball torment.

That leads to last night.  As stated, I haven’t had an orgasm of any kind in twenty-six days.  Other than the moments of sucking, I haven’t had any cock stimulation.  By last night, I was in need.  NW was kind enough to meet that need.  It came in the form of, literally, two and a half hours of ball torture.  Throughout the session I gave her orgasms.  All of them were manual, as we were avoiding oral and didn’t want to pleasure my cock with intercourse.  They were delivered via the usual avenues…fingering her clit, tweaking her clit, finger fucking her pussy and ass, tweaking her nipples, choking her, etc…  If you have read my blog, you know all of the various ways.

For my part, she did everything from light squeezing/slapping to squeezing as hard as she could…both together, separately, rolling them together.  I couldn’t believe that I was able to take it.  The pain was so incredible, though.  She slapped my balls, slowly, quickly, soft, hard.  She would string together ten of fifteen medium punches, in rapid order, directed on to my balls.  She hit me a few times and left me balled up, nursing my agonized manhood.

Again, this went on for two and a half hours.  Then we finally made it to bed.  A few hours later, I awoke and took the opportunity to wake her with three more orgasms.  She repaid me by having my hold my balls for her and punching them.

When we awoke this morning, we spent another half an hour with me giving her orgasms and her torturing my balls.  Yes, they are sore.  Yes, it feels fucking incredible.  Now, back to real life for a few days.

“Where Are They Now?”

…seemed like a good title.  After all, like the television program, we are checking in on lost personalities.  In our case, we are doing fine.  Life has been hectic, as it so often is with kids, work, holidays, family visits, Summer doings, etc…  Taking breaks like this, though, is pretty common for NW and me.  It doesn’t mean that we aren’t having sex, even fetish-y.  It just means that we were not concentrated on one thing that binds it all together, pun, pun.

For now, though, let me give just a quick update.  Today is day eighteen of my denial.  There have, obviously, been no full orgasms and, for once, no ruined orgasms.  That is in part because we have moved along with a different approach.

As with all of our denial play, it started with me.  It starts with me because, if I am not in the right frame of mind for it, it isn’t going to work.  And having started with me, I get to establish the first set of guidelines.  The first guideline involves duration.  Ultimately, NW will get to decide when my next orgasm is, full and/or ruined.  When I started this stint, however, I a) started it without NW’s knowledge and b) had a minimum duration decided upon, even though it was not actually set.  I did not inform NW that this was starting because I needed to go through a few days to make sure that I was up to the task.  Sometimes I want to do it, but life conspires to make it not psychologically fun.  Better to test the waters and then let her know that the game is on and she is in control…and she is always ready.

The minimum duration is a little different.  There are a couple of fitness goals that I have set for myself.  No, they do not involve weight loss (although they probably should).  I set my minimum duration at achieving those goals.  So, until I reach them…no orgasm!  NW knows this and has agreed to it.  Once those goals are achieved, it all becomes her decision.  The only downside is that these goals are rather lofty.  They might take some time.  Hopefully I am up to the task.

The second, and really only other, guideline is how we proceed with our play.  For the first two weeks I made sure to keep a very strict hold on how and how much stimulation NW gave me.  This was not done to control NW, but to make sure we did not have an accidental ruined and to set the pace.  The first weekend, when I was four and five days in, I did not let NW touch me at all.  I serviced her, but she did nothing to my cock and balls.  The second weekend, days eleven and twelve, NW was allowed to service me, but only my balls.  She did lick and suck them, but it mainly consisted of cbt…squeezing, slapping, punching (not too hard), pulling, etc…  She has not played with me during the weeks, only on weekends.

This weekend, it has been much the same.  I serviced her last night and this morning.  She has devoted 98% of her attention to my balls.  The only stimulation to the shaft was a couple of tight squeezes and quick sucking of my precum from the tip.

This has really worked in helping us avoid unintentional ruined orgasms and helped keep the intensity level in check.  When we are full on, constant teasing, we tend to spend way too much time thinking about and involved in sex.  Even so, I have turned the reins over and NW is now free to do whatever she wants to me.  She still seems content to focus on my balls,however.  That is actually kind of cool.  It keeps intensity in check, lets us both play and I have found that I can reach orgasm just from having my balls smacked around. (No, I have not actually reached orgasm this go around.)   Yes, I have come from cbt in the past.  In almost every case, though, I have been stroked up and edged before we got to cbt.  These past two weekends, there has been no foreplay.  It goes straight from me pleasing her to her hurting my balls.  And she is edging me, time and again, by doing this.  I am really interested to see how this develops, if she continues to deny notable stimulation to my shaft.

Well, that is where we are right now.  Sorry there was nothing too tantalizing.  It is fun nonetheless.

Impulse Speed, Mr. GH…

Yeah, yeah…  For some reason, I have my geek on.  Not sure why all the space references, but that’s what’s coming through.  In any case, we are off into virgin territory.

A couple of things…

We had a rather tame day, yesterday, except the way I ended our one true “get together”.  NW and I carried on as usual.  She teased me up and I was quickly as hard as a rock.  She mounted me.  She had orgasms.  I did not.  It didn’t take long until she had to dismount me, lest I reach orgasm.  NW is getting a tad frustrated with this, as she really loves and is craving prolonged intercourse.

Afterwards, she edged me several times.  The edging is really intense, anymore.  This really wound me up and I vented it the first way that crossed my mind…caning!

I had NW stand next to the bed and bend over it.  I retrieved a “cane” from the closet.  This particular one is a heavy, plastic cane.  It is, in fact, the stick that comes from a large set of blinds.  I have no idea what it is called, but it is the piece that you twist to change the angle of the slats.  This one is pretty stout.

I started moderately whapping her ass.  It was obvious that it hurt like hell  So, I reached in and gave her pussy a manual assist to orgasm.  Then I started alternating…finger to orgasm, five good strikes, finger to orgasm, five good strikes.  Her ass striped quickly.  She was in immense pain from the cane.  Yet, she continued to orgasm, even as she, literally, tried to get away from it.  She tried to stand up.  She tried to roll away.  She tried to shield her ass.  I was having none of it and held her down…fingers to orgasm, five good strokes.

She took about twenty-five strokes before I stopped and gave comfort.  She confirmed that she hadn’t wanted the pain, but couldn’t stop coming.  Also, she confirmed that she was glad I had held her down and forced her to take it.  It is good to know one’s partner.

Later, in the kitchen, she pulled my cock out of my shorts and worked me to edge.  Again, last night, at bedtime, she stroked me to several hard edges, as I fingered her to orgasm, multiple times.  What I have noticed of late is that my edges are taking on a new edge, so to speak.  Once I am edged, it is as though I am pressurized…balls tight and drawn up, shaft straining, prostate aching.  There is also a continuing…uh…vibration, maybe.  It feels like a low, almost imperceptible rumble, that lingers.  Where NW, in the past, could edge me, pause for 15 seconds, and get back to it.  Now, she can wait a minute, or more, and I still almost orgasm as soon as she begins again.  It feels great!  It feels maddening!  But it can cause problems.  After all, it is hard to play with a cock, in denial, when it is constantly on the verge of orgasm.

Somewhat akin to this, NW made a statement, yesterday, that caught me off guard.  The first part of the statement was, “Assuming that you don’t have an orgasm this week,”.  She was not saying that she might want to give me an orgasm this week.  Oh no.  She was saying, “assuming you don’t require an orgasm, based on a physical or mental need, on your part”.  She fully intends for the denial to go on, unless I can’t handle it.

“Then I think we should try giving you a ruined orgasm one morning this weekend.  So that we can see if you can last longer, with intercourse, by that evening.”  Not only is she talking about keeping me denied of a full orgasm…and rather thoughtlessly, but she is talking about introducing ruined orgasms.  Not as a means to sate me, mind you, or to prolong the denial of full orgasm, but to allow for her greater pleasure.  How yummy is that?  Many of you OC/OD folks are used to this, I am sure.  I am not.

I am onboard.  I really want to see what effect ruined orgasms will have on my ability to continue on this journey.  Thirty-two days and counting…

Last Night and This Afternoon

Going back to last night, which my earlier post skipped over…  NW and I settled in for a little play.  As NW was freshly out of the bath, she assumed a face down position on the bed.  As you likely guessed, I went straight for her ass.  Flicking, licking, poking, sucking, probing her to orgasm.  I love orally pleasing her ass.  I think the biggest reason is that she always carries a degree of apprehension about it.  She feels like she shouldn’t get so much pleasure out of it.  Her writhing, moaning and…involuntarily pushing her ass back into my face…betray her, though.  She had at least five orgasms from it.  She is such a naughty NW.  In fact, I made her tell me that she is a dirty slut.  She gets so uncomfortable talking dirty, it makes it fun to make her do it.

Away, once rolled over, I began fingering her pussy.  Adding to it, I began sucking her nipples.  Moments later, I was biting her nipple, with my bottom teeth running right across the center of it.  I bit hard enough that it was teetering on being too much pain.  For NW, that is saying something.  Once she had a few orgasms, I moved to the other nipple and repeated.

As always, I sucked them better, but this really added to it.  She mounted me and rode me to a couple of orgasms, as I played with her clothespinned nipples.  Unfortunately, I am still nearing edge too quickly and she had to dismount.  I continued the work, though.  I used my fingers to penetrate her…first her pussy, then her ass and, finally, both at the same time.  She flooded.

Turning her attention to me, she edged me a few times and we were done.

Then, this afternoon (we have already talked about this morning), I went to the bedroom for a nap.  NW followed me in and lay down beside me.  She was fully clothed and I was nude.  I hate sleeping in clothes.  We talked.  I played with her nipples and ran my hand over the crotch of her jeans.  She was definitely getting worked up  I told that she would have to wait for later, though.

She started playing with my balls, as I backed off on playing with her.  She avoided my cock, and it is still without any stimulation for the day.  She caressed them lightly, fondled them and just, generally, gave them some loving.  I began to worry that my cock was going to get some incidental stimulation, as she worked my balls  So, I rolled over, drew my legs up and had her pull my balls back.  So that she could get to my balls but my cock would be shielded between my legs.

NW took this to mean that I wanted some CBT.  I was not thinking that at all.  She, however, seemed aroused by the idea, because the next thing I know, she has a grip on them and is squeezing.  I was not looking for CBT.  I was not craving CBT.  But, in a rare moment of submissiveness, I had no intention of stopping her from doing what she wanted.  They were hers.  She squeezed the hell out of them, leaving me writhing and groaning.  She punched them, to light-moderate levels.  She was just trying to make me writhe and verbally show the pain.  She got what she wanted.

It wasn’t until she was through that I told her that I hadn’t been looking for, or wanting pain.  But that I endured it for her…because she wanted to give it.  This, of course, turned her on even more.  She asked to come.  I obliged.  I roughly ground the seam of her jeans into her clit and labia.  She went off a few times.  Then, in the midst of her orgasm, I grabbed her throat and choked her.  She flooded.  Three more times I choked her, as she came.  All three times, she shot into a new, higher orgasm.  Each time, flooding into her jeans.  The pants had to later be changed, due to the enormous wet spot.

Afterwards, she gave each ball an individual squeezing, prior to some light loving and letting me have my nap.  My precum was everywhere…on my cock, my leg, her leg, the top sheet, the bottom sheet.  And, yet, I was able to still express a nice little bit onto her fingers, for her to enjoy.

I can’t wait for tonight!