NW and I were talking, the other day, and she said that she would be sad to do so, but could absolutely go back to “vanilla” sex. That precipitated the conversation of what, exactly, vanilla sex is.
Employing my google-fu, it seems that the definition of “vanilla (or conventional) sex” is simply whatever is the cultural norm for your era and society. I read a few articles and the consensus seemed to be that oral sex, manual sex, some toys and vaginal intercourse were considered “the norm”. It could include a bit of roughness or intensity, but specifically excluded anything considered BDSM, fetish or kink. In fact, most of what I read considered anal sex to be non-vanilla. I guess they don’t know any gay/bi-sexual men…although some did note the exception.
NW and I always smile about that definition. In a lot of ways, we consider ourselves “vanilla” or, at least, feel that what we are doing is vanilla. We are cognizant of the fact that a lot of what we do is outside of the world’s view of it…but it just doesn’t seem that kinky to us. I am sure many of you feel the same way.
So, how do we define the line between vanilla and kinky/alternative, for us? (Just for fun, of course, as there is no real need.)
She and I agree on several things. Like…having hypodermic needles pushed all the way through my balls (see gallery) is definitely NOT vanilla. Me using a belt (yes, the same one she used on me, yesterday) on her vulnerable, exposed pussy (see gallery), until she begged me to stop…only to continue on until she was crying, is NOT vanilla. (Yes, she requested this from me. I will not hurt her unless she wants or asks for it.)
But what about other things that the list would imply? Anal sex? Absolutely vanilla, when I am the giver. But what if I’m not. What if NW is pegging/fucking me? To me, it is different, and carries a slight degree of taboo with it, but isn’t something I think of as “out there”. In fact, even if there was nothing BDSM-y, fetish-y or kinky going on in our sex life, I would let her do it if she really wanted to.
That said, it is something that I am much more guarded of someone knowing. If a co-worker came up and asked me if I fuck NW ‘s ass, I would affirm it…depending on the co-worker. If they asked me if she fucked my ass, though, I would be much more reticent to admit that. Does that mean it is well outside of vanilla? When with NW, it is an intense, different, thing that we do…even having a feel of normalcy, in current context. But someone else knowing it happens takes it to a different level.
What about analingus? The first time I recall doing that was about twenty-five years ago…long before NW. It felt naughty, but again, nothing extreme. Maybe because I had thought about it so much beforehand. The first time it was ever done to me, though, was by NW. And it seemed incredibly naughty and taboo to be on the receiving end.
Now, I do it without thought. She loves it and I think of it as being taboo, even if it doesn’t feel that way. So, I would call it vanilla. And I would tell the same co-worker that I (theoretically) told that I fuck NW’s ass that I stick my tongue in there afterwards.
So, it feels like what is vanilla isn’t completely tied to my reluctance to share that I engage in it….what would be deemed acceptable.
What do you all think? Hopefully, there are some polls below. Please participate…
If you have any other thoughts on what is or isn’t “vanilla”, please comment.