Pain Slut or Something Else?

After our unpleasant night, five nights ago, NW and I spent a lot of time talking about what happened, why it didn’t work, what was at the heart of it and how we move forward.  At face value, there wouldn’t seem to be a lot to discuss.  I mean, obviously, I am just not the pain slut I thought I was.  Or, at least, a very poor pain slut.

That would seem to be contradicted by all of the extreme ball squeezing, punching and kicking that we have done.  Likewise, needles have been pushed into, and all the way through, my balls.  They have been subjected to hot wax, flogging, clothespins, belts, etc…

But about the only pain that works for me involves my balls, sometimes the shaft of my cock, my ass and exposed asshole.  I guess I should throw in there some degree of anal pain, as in, I like things at or just beyond my comfort level inserted into me.  I also love when my asshole is exposed and flogged, hot waxed and such.

All of those things can, and often do, hurt to what feels an extreme, and I still am aroused by it.  I still drive pleasure from it, even midst the pain.  Isn’t that a pain slut?

Know thyself…

NW made a rather astute observation, during our discussions.  And I believe it is an observation that others can likely benefit from, even if obvious to some.  It is important because it helps define our sexual relationships with our partners and can insure smoother sailing.

While there are some that can turn themselves over to another and find bliss, no matter what their partner does to them, I think that the minority.  In fantasy and when aroused, we all dream of things being done to us and our ability to endure it and, thus, pleasing/being fully submissive to the one we serve.  But most people just aren’t that wide open or have the ability to be a “blank slate”.

Be honest with yourself and your partner.  Figure out what actually works for each of you.  Not where you are going, but what works right now.  Make this your home base.  Because starting where you think you want to be could very well cause you to stall, or blow the engine, right off that starting line.  You can, and will, expand out from that starting point.  Just remember, while fantasy can be the destinations on your road trip, reality should be your throttle control.

In our case, NW’s observation was simple.  I am not a poor pain slut.  In fact, I’m not a pain slut at all.  I am a sensation slut (she actually said “sensation whore”).  And she is absolutely correct.  I crave sensation beyond, sometimes far beyond, what is given from vanilla sex.  Pain is just a means to that end.  The constant arousal and ache of being teased and edged is the same.  In fact everything that I “like”, that isn’t some form of traditional sex, is an attempt for more intense sensation.  It doesn’t have to be pain, but that does seem to be one of the quickest and most intense means to get sensation.

I have to admit that, while she was explaining this to me, I got a little confused.  I mean doesn’t pain = arousal = pain slut?  The she explained, as a pain slut herself, that she specifically craves the pain.  It is a sensation.  But it is specifically the sensation of and from pain that she wants.  In my case, I don’t care where the sensation comes from, as long as it is intense.  Pain is just a shortcut.  And it does explain why I am so picky as to  how that pain is generated.

I am lucky to have such an insightful wife.

 

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