The day after my…er…experience was one of heightened arousal. The interesting thing is, it wasn’t translating into a want of sex. I was as horny as I had been since we started this, now forty-two day, stretch, without a full orgasm. Even so, I was not jonesing to pleasure NW, to be pleasured by NW or to do much else. I just had an incredibly high sense of arousal and want of having it sated.
I think that I have become bored with things. Sex has fallen into a pattern. I am teased and denied full orgasm/alleviation of pressure. NW has numerous orgasms. She is brought to orgasm by intercourse (her on top) or manual stimulation. I am ridden, stroked or sucked, all the while being mindful of where I am in the cycle and fighting to not have an orgasm. I look at porn…it leaves me flat. I see a sexy female…she is off-limits. I want an orgasm…I can’t have it.
I think the biggest issue is that the denial has lot its edge. Orgasm is the natural indicator that sex is complete. When being denied, it becomes a motivator in its own right…replacing orgasms as fulfilling goal. When being denied loses its intensity, though, it loses me. The goal now, I would think, is to find a way to rekindle that, without having to take a break and reset.
I would regret a reset, no doubt. That, however, is just a mind game. I have been forty-two days without a full orgasm. I want it to go longer. Usually, the thought of being denied a full orgasm for a long period is enough to drive it. Right now, though, that is hazy, at best. I really have no idea where this is going. I don’t know when it will end. I do know that, unless we can find a way to reawaken it, it may end soon.
Even yesterday, NW and I talked about the ruined the night before. It was intense, as I have conveyed. I hated it, but I was already craving it again. It wasn’t that I was craving it in some masochistic way. I was craving it because it, and my response, were intense.
So, last night was almost an exact repeat of the night before. NW got me hard. She mounted and rode me. She orgasmed. I didn’t. She edged me five or six times. I was given another, stroke through the first contraction, ruined orgasm. It was just as empty, “wrong” and frustrating as the night before. This time, however, I was mentally prepared for it. I did not get agitated and angry. Hell, I had asked for it. But the physical sensations were all there…and it was miserable.
What next? I have no clue. Part of me is ready for a reset. Part of me wants the denial to continue. Part of me just wants to forget the whole thing and quit worrying with it. Of course, life has been uber busy and stressful, of late. That isn’t helping. All I can really say is that we are as much in the dark about tonight, tomorrow and beyond, as you are.
Oh…one other thing…my fucking balls ache…