As I had hoped, I carried an evident ache in my balls throughout yesterday’s work day. By the time I arrived home, it had finally subsided. A little bit of fondling, or non-painful squeezing, though, showed that they were still tender. With the weekend coming up, and my want of pain waning (for now), we decided to avoid such play, at least for the night. In fact, we were both so tired that we almost decided not to play at all.
Of course, that didn’t hold. What ensued was rather tame, however. I used my fingers to bring NW to orgasm multiple times. She stroked and sucked me to multiple edges, while gently massaging my balls from time to time. It was, as I said, very tame…but very good.
I have now gone 22 days without the big “O”. Things are going well. My arousal, when I awoke, was none existent. Fifteen minutes later, I was in enough want to start looking for holes in a wall. Funny how that happens. It will be interesting to see if it holds until this evening. Much like a tide, heightened arousal rises and falls. Right now, though, I am really looking forward to an orgasm, or ten.
Speaking of the orgasms. NW and I were talking, as we do a lot, and the topic of control came up again. She is still missing that sense of complete say so, even though I have told her that the control is hers. It seems to spawn from the fact that I have goals. She knows that I want to hit thirty days and have often talked about going the entire month of January. While she is not obligated to respect these, or adhere to them, she feels like she is to some degree. Why? She thinks that I will be really disappointed if I don’t hit them and that failing to do so might be frustrating enough to kill my want of this.
They are legitimate concerns, but, as of right now, unfounded. To allay them, though, and give her the sense of control that is missing, we have agreed to hold fast to the thirty-day goal and trash the rest. That does not mean that I am guaranteed an orgasm the day after we hit thirty days. It simply means that, in eight days, we will have hit a numerical month, which is itself a big goal for us and would move my longest period without the ecstasy of orgasm from twenty-eight days to thirty. If we get to a calendar month, great. If we don’t, oh well. It will be record-breaking for us in either case.
The funny thing is, NW has not wanted me to have an orgasm. When asked, she still doesn’t want me to have one and has no idea when she will. It is just the idea that she needs to keep me denied, whether she wants to or not, that is causing the disconnect. In reality, I am looking forward to getting the thirty days past us. It will not only give NW a sense of full control, but it will give me some uncertainty to chew on. Since I am in expectation of hitting thirty days, there is no sense of chance, wonder or maybe running through my head.
I am a very focused person. Having a specific time, date or duration in my head makes it easy for me to proceed. It also takes some of the edge off of the play. Getting to a point where I really don’t have any idea if she will or will not allow me to orgasm will be a wonderful addition.
Onward to day twenty-three…