NW and I had a couple of “get together”‘s during the day, yesterday. Neither were overly long, but both were rather intense. As usual, NW had lots of orgasms. She is an orgasm machine. I would so pay money to be able to orgasm half as frequently as she can. Now that would be an intense experience!
Her orgasms were delivered by my mouth, tongue and fingers. They assaulted her pussy, ass and nipples. Speaking of, I have a hard time believing that her nipples are still attached. To say that I am rough with them, as I pinch, pull and twist, is an understatement. Hell, I pinch, pull and twist her clit as well. Her clit is much more difficult to keep a hold of, however…slippery, little pleasure button that it is.
I was stroked, fondled and edged. The highlight of both plays, though, was the CBT. My poor balls were slapped and hit with her palm and partial fist. They were sucked painfully hard. They were squeezed, as a couple, and individually. The squeezing of one ball at a time is especially painful. This was only magnified as we indulged in one of my favorite types of play. NW squeezes a ball, or both balls, as I gently stimulate one of her nipples or her clit. Once the pain reaches a point that I am audibly and physically reacting, and reaching higher barriers, I focus my attention on bringing her to orgasm. This allows me to shift my focus from the pain, while guaranteeing that the pain is only going to increase, as she clamps down in the throes of orgasm. The pain is intense, as I thrash around, grunting, in pain, while keeping the focus to prolong her orgasm. Yummy! The more pleasure she experiences, the more pain that I do.
Then, just after getting in bed for the night, we had another round. Again, like a broken record, orgasms for NW, pain for me. That is why my balls are aching. There were somewhere around half a dozen sessions, this weekend, where NW was pleasured and my balls were tormented. The aching reminder of our play will keep me company throughout the day.
Is the pain always pleasurable? Not physically. Sometimes I had to call he off, because the pain was about to bring me to orgasm. Other times, it was only psychologically pleasurable. And then, only because I had succeeded in enduring what NW was doling out. Accepting and experiencing pleasure to pain to agony, without buckling and calling her off is heady and arousing. That NW knows how much I am hurting and, not only loves causing it, but takes it even further, makes my cock swell just thinking about it.
But I also mentioned rounding the corner. It seems that I have mentally made a jump. Perhaps it is better described as a dissociation. My want for orgasm is still very much intact. After all, my body has been programmed, for three decades, to see an orgasm as the natural and proper end to the arousal that I am feeling and the sensations that I am experiencing. NW shows no signs of backing off of the denial, however. Somewhere, over the past couple of days, a severance has emerged. I no longer see our play as a means to reach orgasm. At least not fully. I have accepted that an orgasm is a ways in coming (no pun intended). I know, when we begin to play, that I will not be reaching orgasm. Despite my ingrained want and sense of normalcy, if not habit, I seem to have dissociated sex with orgasm…to a degree.
When NW and I do engage in sexual activities, it no longer implies orgasm, but how much non-orgasmic sensation I will experience. The purpose of our play, from my perspective, having transferred from orgasms to the pain that I will experience, the sensations of being stroked and sucked and the intensity of a rising orgasm that never blossoms. I do not rue the missing orgasm. I do not long for its arrival. I am not frustrated that it is kept from me. I just don’t expect it and, therefore, do not think much of it, except to make sure that it doesn’t happen.
Is this a good thing? With respect to the denial I think it is. It is a rewiring of my psyche, even if only for a period, however. That is a little scary. It is part of the game, however…new and intense experiences.
Eighteen down, x to go…