I received a comment on an earlier post and thought that it might be worth replying to here, since someone else might be interested. The comment is…
“I was so happy to see your post since I have questions that I consider you and NW an expert in. The Man and I have started playing with denial. First starting by bring him close and denying him until day 7. He was fine the first 2 weeks but this last week he got frustrate and grouchy so I had to let him have release so he won’t be in such a bad mood. The Man told me that he started to feel strange all over and his balls started to ache and hurt. Once I let him have release he said he had the best all over body feeling he found better than smoking grass. About a month ago The Man and I started having sex or sexual contact daily, not always ending in orgasm but just stirring the fires between us and keeping us close. His work schedule sometime keeps him away from me during regular hours and so I give up sleep for pleasure. We find we are constantly attracted to each other. Seeing the benefits of devoting myself to his pleasure and teasing him, I have become a better wife, placing him above other daily habits such as reading, watching a movie, etc… In the past I would let him go to bed without me and keep finishing my reading or watching a show online. Now when he heads to bed, I quit what I am doing and give him skin time. He got his nipples pierced around Thanksgiving as an award to himself for losing 25 lbs. He feels good and shares this feeling with me. We can finally start playing with the bars and he loves them. Questions: Do you have any advice on penile piercing? Pros and Cons? He is looking into it and I am unsure how I feel about it. How can I deny him longer than 7 days and have him not be so frustrated? Any ideas on diversion tactics? The Man wants to get me to squirt, we practice but can’t get there, does NW have any suggestions on how to better achieve a soaking orgasm? Your advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for sharing. ~dra9onf1y”
There are two other topics here…getting past seven days, intact, and female ejaculation. We’ll cover the latter first.
Some women are capable of ejaculating in response to an intense orgasm. Some people refer to this as “squirting”. Others refer to it as a ‘g spot orgasm/gusher”. Since I am not every female (or a female at all), I have no idea if every woman can do this. Every woman should be equipped for it, however. The ejaculate is not urine, as some believe, probably because it does exit the urethra and does, apparently and obviously, give the sensation of urinating. The ejaculate actually comes from the skenes gland, which is just inside the vagina and up against the pubic bone. If you check for it, you can’t miss it, it has a ribbed feel to it, much like the prostate in a man. That is for good reason. The skenes gland is the prostate, in that had the female been born a male, that is the exact same organ. Much like the prostate produces and stores fluid, so does the skenes.
So, all females, in theory, have the gland and the stored ejaculate. The question is, how do you get it to go from stored to ejaculated. With NW, there are two ways. Keep in mind, in both of these, she has to be extremely aroused and primed for orgasm. The first method is direct assault. With her aroused and already stimulated, insert one (or more) fingers and massage the skenes. Press against it. Move your fingers over it. Stimulate it! In NW’s case, that is usually energetic. Pressing with decent force or rubbing back and forth across it with decent speed. Others might respond to a slower or more measured touch.
Sometimes it can require accompanying stimulation to another body part, like the clit, at the same time. It used to be that she needed simultaneous stimulation to squirt. Anymore, though, just attacking the g spot will do it.
The second method is to just create such intense stimulation that it overtakes her. For example, if I reach up and grab her throat and apply moderate pressure, such that I am impeding her breathing but not actually strangling, she will erupt! I think this is obviously a mental response. Whatever it is, it is a guaranteed gusher. If you can find something that winds your/her clock to that degree, direct skenes stimulation might not be necessary. Although, doing them in tandem never hurts.
One other thing…as squirting does, apparently, feel very similar to urinating, many women will fight to prevent it. NW can, often, prevent herself from squirting. If you sense that you are about to, or are, urinating, while orgasming, don’t fight it! Let it go! The absolute worst thing that could happen is that you actually do urinate, which is unlikely. I am sure, for most, a little urine splashing about wouldn’t kill anyone’s night. I have gone down on my wife more times than I can count, had my tongue as deep in her ass as it will go and swallowed her ejaculate by the mouthful. I assure you, a little urine is a non-issue. It is also very unlikely that urine is what is going to come out.
As for getting past seven days, there are many factors. How often he normally masturbates, has sex (to orgasm) and how much time he is used to between orgasms all set a baseline. Throw into the mix work, home and a spate of other stressors that will directly affect it. I often masturbated to relieve stress. If he does this, then his stress is not being dealt with and is building up. He needs a new outlet. Stress can kill any and every thing. Not to mention, there may be some physical anxiety if he has programmed his body for orgasms and he is not getting them. He may feel, subconsciously, that something is wrong.
For me stress comes in two flavors. There is normal, day-to-day stress, that rises and falls. That stress can actually increase my libido. Stress that arises abruptly, or from an emergency, normally kills my libido. I get hyperfocused and tend to take charge. When in this mode, I am in control and am in no frame of mind to yield it, even if in the realm of chastity play. That might be something to watch for, in him. If I am in that frame of mind, want to come and NW tries to keep me denied, even if I comply, my attitude goes to hell. I am not much fun to be around.
Also of note, though it may not have any impact, there is a study that shows that Testosterone levels increase, daily, when orgasm is avoided. Daily, that is, until day eight, when the level drops. If he is sensitive to this, it could, potentially, manifest as grumpiness, moodiness, or a sense of unease. I would think that he would have to be very sensitive to it, though.
I don’t know if the denial is your idea or his. If it is yours, he may have reservations and not be as keen to make it work. After all, why should he have to give up one of life’s most intense sensations. If it is his, make sure to address the above points. But also, find the groove that works for you. Do you stimulate/edge him often or rarely? The first time that I went twenty-eight days, I was locked for the duration. I did not get out of the cage a single second. After twenty-eight days, I was done. It was three years before I was even willing to entertain the idea again. This time, we are being smarter. Today alone, I have been edged at least ten times. NW is constantly fondling me, stroking me, sucking me and edging me. Many would find this torture. For me, though, it is necessary, if we are going to do this. Also, this could tie in to the “his balls started to ache and hurt”.
With me, I can get a bit of ache in my balls. Mainly, though, my prostate feels tight, over full and achy. This seems to be a result of buildup that is never released. That is part of the reason that NW edges me so much. I tend to leak a nominal amount of pre-cum. The more I leak, the more that pressure subsides. I have no idea how you two proceed, but prostate milking or teasing him until the pre-cum flows may very well lessen the aches. Not to mention, there is a point in the teasing/edging where I feel sated. Not like I have had an orgasm, or even any release, but it just feels like a good/acceptable place to stop.
This extra play/edging can also serve as a distraction. I often go through phases, as I am right now, where, even though an orgasm would feel incredible, I would lose the arousal, the want, the hypersensitivity in my cock and the heady pleasure that denial brings me. Remind him that you love him and you are doing this for both of you. Talk to him about how it feels when you do bring him pleasure. Is it more intense? Is it different? Doesn’t the constant arousal feel wonderful? Remind him how incredible the orgasm, when it comes, is going to feel. Most importantly, at least to me, remind him that you are in this together and on the same team. You are not “subjecting” him to this. It is not punishment or anything negative, for that matter. It is about pleasure.
I find the things I feel in denial to be just as pleasurable, if not more so, that orgasms…and much longer lasting. Do I want to stay denied forever? Hell no! I want orgasms. I need them to contrast with the denial. But being denied has its place and own rewards. If NW were to come in here right now, take me in her mouth and start working me in earnest, I would be edged before I was half erect. It happened earlier today. I am so sensitive that, once in her mouth, I was about to orgasm before I was even close to being erect. Try to get that when cumming all the time.
One last thing…I understand the closeness and renewed intimacy for one another that you mention. NW and I are much the same. Believe it or not, I am one of those people who thinks that sex is far too important in our lives. (No, I do not believe that sex should be just for procreation and only in the missionary position…obviously.) It is very much a part of a functional, happy relationship (marriage in our case). Sex is important for realtional harmony. A happy sex life helps everything. I am glad that it is working for your betterment!
I hope this helps…and I hope I addressed the questions thoroughly. If not, please let me know.