Reply to Dra9onf1y

I received a comment on an earlier post and thought that it might be worth replying to here, since someone else might be interested.  The comment is…

“I was so happy to see your post since I have questions that I consider you and NW an expert in. The Man and I have started playing with denial. First starting by bring him close and denying him until day 7. He was fine the first 2 weeks but this last week he got frustrate and grouchy so I had to let him have release so he won’t be in such a bad mood. The Man told me that he started to feel strange all over and his balls started to ache and hurt. Once I let him have release he said he had the best all over body feeling he found better than smoking grass. About a month ago The Man and I started having sex or sexual contact daily, not always ending in orgasm but just stirring the fires between us and keeping us close. His work schedule sometime keeps him away from me during regular hours and so I give up sleep for pleasure. We find we are constantly attracted to each other. Seeing the benefits of devoting myself to his pleasure and teasing him, I have become a better wife, placing him above other daily habits such as reading, watching a movie, etc… In the past I would let him go to bed without me and keep finishing my reading or watching a show online. Now when he heads to bed, I quit what I am doing and give him skin time. He got his nipples pierced around Thanksgiving as an award to himself for losing 25 lbs. He feels good and shares this feeling with me. We can finally start playing with the bars and he loves them. Questions: Do you have any advice on penile piercing? Pros and Cons? He is looking into it and I am unsure how I feel about it. How can I deny him longer than 7 days and have him not be so frustrated? Any ideas on diversion tactics? The Man wants to get me to squirt, we practice but can’t get there, does NW have any suggestions on how to better achieve a soaking orgasm? Your advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for sharing. ~dra9onf1y”

To the first question, I am not pierced, don’t plan to be and am ignorant on the subject.  My suggestion is to check with Thumper or MyKey.

There are two other topics here…getting past seven days, intact, and female ejaculation.  We’ll cover the latter first.

Some women are capable of ejaculating in response to an intense orgasm.  Some people refer to this as “squirting”.  Others refer to it as a ‘g spot orgasm/gusher”.  Since I am not every female (or a female at all), I have no idea if every woman can do this.  Every woman should be equipped for it, however.  The ejaculate is not urine, as some believe, probably because it does exit the urethra and does, apparently and obviously, give the sensation of urinating.  The ejaculate actually comes from the skenes gland, which is just inside the vagina and up against the pubic bone.  If you check for it, you can’t miss it, it has a ribbed feel to it, much like the prostate in a man.  That is for good reason.  The skenes gland is the prostate, in that had the female been born a male, that is the exact same organ.  Much like the prostate produces and stores fluid, so does the skenes.

So, all females, in theory, have the gland and the stored ejaculate.  The question is, how do you get it to go from stored to ejaculated.  With NW, there are two ways.  Keep in mind, in both of these, she has to be extremely aroused and primed for orgasm.  The first method is direct assault.  With her aroused and already stimulated, insert one (or more) fingers and massage the skenes.  Press against it.  Move your fingers over it.  Stimulate it!  In NW’s case, that is usually energetic.  Pressing with decent force or rubbing back and forth across it with decent speed.  Others might respond to a slower or more measured touch.

Sometimes it can require accompanying stimulation to another body part, like the clit, at the same time.  It used to be that she needed simultaneous stimulation to squirt.  Anymore, though, just attacking the g spot will do it.

The second method is to just create such intense stimulation that it overtakes her.  For example, if I reach up and grab her throat and apply moderate pressure, such that I am impeding her breathing but not actually strangling, she will erupt!  I think this is obviously a mental response.  Whatever it is, it is a guaranteed gusher.  If you can find something that winds your/her clock to that degree, direct skenes stimulation might not be necessary.  Although, doing them in tandem never hurts.

One other thing…as squirting does, apparently, feel very similar to urinating, many women will fight to prevent it.  NW can, often, prevent herself from squirting.  If you sense that you are about to, or are, urinating, while orgasming, don’t fight it!  Let it go!  The absolute worst thing that could happen is that you actually do urinate, which is unlikely.  I am sure, for most, a little urine splashing about wouldn’t kill anyone’s night.  I have gone down on my wife more times than I can count, had my tongue as deep in her ass as it will go and swallowed her ejaculate by the mouthful.  I assure you, a little urine is a non-issue.  It is also very unlikely that urine is what is going to come out.

As for getting past seven days, there are many factors.  How often he normally masturbates, has sex (to orgasm) and how much time he is used to between orgasms all set a baseline.  Throw into the mix work, home and a spate of other stressors that will directly affect it.  I often masturbated to relieve stress.  If he does this, then his stress is not being dealt with and is building up.  He needs a new outlet.  Stress can kill any and every thing.  Not to mention, there may be some physical anxiety if he has programmed his body for orgasms and he is not getting them.  He may feel, subconsciously, that something is wrong.

For me stress comes in two flavors.  There is normal, day-to-day stress, that rises and falls.  That stress can actually increase my libido.  Stress that arises abruptly, or from an emergency, normally kills my libido.  I get hyperfocused and tend to take charge.  When in this mode, I am in control and am in no frame of mind to yield it, even if in the realm of chastity play.  That might be something to watch for, in him.  If I am in that frame of mind, want to come and NW tries to keep me denied, even if I comply, my attitude goes to hell.  I am not much fun to be around.

Also of note, though it may not have any impact, there is a study that shows that Testosterone levels increase, daily, when orgasm is avoided.  Daily, that is, until day eight, when the level drops.  If he is sensitive to this, it could, potentially, manifest as grumpiness, moodiness, or a sense of unease.  I would think that he would have to be very sensitive to it, though.

I don’t know if the denial is your idea or his.  If it is yours, he may have reservations and not be as keen to make it work.  After all, why should he have to give up one of life’s most intense sensations.  If it is his, make sure to address the above points.  But also, find the groove that works for you.  Do you stimulate/edge him often or rarely?  The first time that I went twenty-eight days, I was locked for the duration.  I did not get out of the cage a single second.  After twenty-eight days, I was done.  It was three years before I was even willing to entertain the idea again.  This time, we are being smarter.  Today alone, I have been edged at least ten times.  NW is constantly fondling me, stroking me, sucking me and edging me.  Many would find this torture.  For me, though, it is necessary, if we are going to do this.  Also, this could tie in to the “his balls started to ache and hurt”.

With me, I can get a bit of ache in my balls.  Mainly, though, my prostate feels tight, over full and achy.  This seems to be a result of buildup that is never released.  That is part of the reason that NW edges me so much.  I tend to leak a nominal amount of pre-cum.  The more I leak, the more that pressure subsides.  I have no idea how you two proceed, but prostate milking or teasing him until the pre-cum flows may very well lessen the aches.  Not to mention, there is a point in the teasing/edging where I feel sated.  Not like I have had an orgasm, or even any release, but it just feels like a good/acceptable place to stop.

This extra play/edging can also serve as a distraction.  I often go through phases, as I am right now, where, even though an orgasm would feel incredible, I would lose the arousal, the want, the hypersensitivity in my cock and the heady pleasure that denial brings me.  Remind him that you love him and you are doing this for both of you.  Talk to him about how it feels when you do bring him pleasure.  Is it more intense?  Is it different?  Doesn’t the constant arousal feel wonderful?  Remind him how incredible the orgasm, when it comes, is going to feel.  Most importantly, at least to me, remind him that you are in this together and on the same team.  You are not “subjecting” him to this.  It is not punishment or anything negative, for that matter.  It is about pleasure.

I find the things I feel in denial to be just as pleasurable, if not more so, that orgasms…and much longer lasting.  Do I want to stay denied forever?  Hell no!  I want orgasms.  I need them to contrast with the denial.  But being denied has its place and own rewards.  If NW were to come in here right now, take me in her mouth and start working me in earnest, I would be edged before I was half erect.  It happened earlier today.  I am so sensitive that, once in her mouth, I was about to orgasm before I was even close to being erect.  Try to get that when cumming all the time.

One last thing…I understand the closeness and renewed intimacy for one another that you mention.  NW and I are much the same.  Believe it or not, I am one of those people who thinks that sex is far too important in our lives.  (No, I do not believe that sex should be just for procreation  and only in the missionary position…obviously.)  It is very much a part of a functional, happy relationship (marriage in our case).  Sex is important for realtional harmony.  A happy sex life helps everything.  I am glad that it is working for your betterment!

I hope this helps…and I hope I addressed the questions thoroughly.  If not, please let me know.

Mornings

Mornings are such a wonderful time, especially on non-work days.  The past two days have been wonderful examples.  Yesterday morning, I got out of bed to brush my teeth and do a couple of things.  I had every intention of climbing back into bed with NW, since she roused when I got up.  She knew that I would be back.  She was horny (of course) and was having wonderful thoughts of me doing gentle, slow, orgasmic things to her.  I, however, not knowing this, was in a completely different mood.

Once I climbed in bed, I moved in behind her.  I grabbed her ponytail, to lock her head down, and began tweaking her nipples…hard.  She was in obvious discomfort.  I asked her if it hurt and she replied in the affirmative.  I slapped her thigh and asked her if she wanted to hurt for me.  She hesitated, then told me she had hoped for something gentle.  I told her that I wanted her to hurt for me.  Something about wanting her to earn the denial she was enforcing on me…which, of course, are completely unrelated.  She rolled onto her side, away from me, and I reached my arm beneath her head, half wrapped it around her neck and grabbed her upper arm on the opposite side.  This, in effect, locked her upper body down and put it under my control.

For those of you who are not aware, I am over twice NW’s weight and extremely strong.  Once I take control of her, she is not getting away from me.  She has tried and failed, time and again, and she loves it.

I locked one of her legs between mine and extended one of them to hold down her other.  She was locked down, unable to effectively struggle and her legs were wide open.  I began biting her on the neck, shoulder, arm and flanks.  All the while, I continued slapping her inner thigh.  Eventually I settled on her right nipple.  I took a portion of the breast in my mouth and set my lower teeth right across her nipple.  Then I bit down hard.  She writhed and winced.  I bit harder, still popping her inner thigh.  Then I went for her pussy.

There was to be no gentle stroking of her clit, this morning.  I slapped it hard.  Her body protested, but not her mouth.  Five times I slapped it.  Each time, pain registered on her face.  She was not completely enjoying this.  So I released her nipple and assaulted the other, in the exact same manner.  I resumed slapping her exposed pussy.  She still seemed to want it to end, obviously in pain.  Then it happened.  She came.  The game was over.  She had succumbed to it and there was no turning back.

I bit harder, causing her to arch in pain, and slapped her pussy harder.  She came again…and then again.  I moved back to the first nipple and repeated.  She came again.

Moving to biting other exposed flesh, I roughly inserted two fingers and violently thrashed about deep in her pussy, assaulting her cervix.  And yes, she continued to come.  I released her heaving body.  She was as wet as I can ever remember.  And by wet, I mean lubrication, not the ejaculate that she had sprayed all over the bed.  She had not wanted this, but quickly was consumed by it.  It was a good thing.

Last night we played again and I gave her the gentle attention that she had earlier craved.  It took a lot of work to get her there.  She said that the gentle sensations felt great, but were not intense enough to get her to orgasm easily.  When she did get there, she said that the orgasm was not nearly as intense.  I knew that.  It was obvious.

Then, this morning, I got the rare pleasure of being awakened by NW.  I almost always wake up first, but not today.  I got to awaken to my naughty wife stroking my swollen, denied cock.  It was wonderful.  She edged me five times before we were done.  And, as usual, she devoured my pre-sum, while sharing a bit with me.

And yes, she was serviced as well.  Other than tweaking her nipples, I was not rough with her.  I did avoid touching her pussy, though.  I made her grind against my leg to reach orgasm.  In fact, she has been told that any orgasms she received today would all have to come from riding my leg.  No toys, fingers or mouth will touch it (unless I decide I need to taste it tonight).

If you’re wondering why she doesn’t do it herself, it is because she is not allowed to masturbate while I am being denied.  No, I am not denying her.  She will have more orgasms in one session that I would have in half a month of normal sex and masturbation.  It’s just that all of her orgasms have to come from me.

It looks as though it will be an interesting day.

The Plan

Well…we don’t really have one.  Okay, maybe we have a rough idea.  True to ourselves, the plan is dynamic, like our wants and yearnings.  I will crave the OD/OC for a while and NW will love it.  There will be caning, cropping, flogging, clothespins, heavy paperclips, spanking and more, for NW.  There will also be lots of orgasms for NW.  For me, there will be denial, teasing, lots of pre-cum leaked everywhere and, eventually, CBT.

Speaking of NW’s orgasms, I found something wonderful!  Just before we left for vacation, we were playing around a bit.  During the course of it, I inserted a sound in her urethra and sank it as far as it would comfortably go.  Normally, once inside, I can bring her to orgasm just by twisting the sound around and moving it in and out, every so slightly.  This time, however, just before she reached orgasm, I stopped and placed a clothespin directly on her clit, so that her clit was in the groove.  She immediately went over the edge.  What was so wonderful about it was that she couldn’t stop cumming.

The added stimuli, from the clothespin, was enough to send her careening over the edge.  As she came, her contractions caused the sound to be pushed outward.  I simply held it steady and let her, uncontrollably, thrust against it and cause it to move about inside of her.  The orgasm must have lasted nearly a full minute, until she passed out.  Just like normal, she came back around about 5 seconds later and immediately went back into orgasm.  She couldn’t stop!

I had mercy, however, and removed the sound.  She stopped, briefly, until I started tugging on the clothespin.

As for me, and the current denial, I had mentioned to her wanting to get past twenty-eight days.  I have gotten to twenty-eight days twice.  A month would be a nice achievement.  Will we get there?  Maybe…  It really depends on two things.  First, can NW go that long without intercourse.  For me to do her properly, she is going to have to let me reach orgasm, unless I somehow become less sensitive.  That, of course, is possible.  Second, that my mood holds.  If I started getting frustrated, in a negative way, we both will end it, because it just isn’t worth it.  Here’s hoping that we get through it.

Oh, and I  had a wonderful idea for the religious minded.  Yes, I am one of those.  Being that I am not Catholic, I never new that Lent was forty weekdays and that weekends were free days.  With that in mind, I thought it would be interesting to give up orgasms, with a slight catch.  No orgasms during the 40 weekdays of Lent.  On the weekends, while orgasms would be allowed, they could only be ruined orgasms.  How many ruined per weekend?  Well, that is up to the couple.  And I am sure that others have thought of this, but I hadn’t observed it before.  So, from February 22nd until April 8th, no full orgasms and only ruined ones relegated to the weekends.

If I survive this run, maybe we will consider it.

To Cage or Not To Cage

As I mentioned in the previous post, NW and I are back at the orgasm denial…at least for a bit.  It has been seven days since my last orgasm, after months of having six to fifteen a week.  So, in the spirit of that, we decided to cage me this morning.  We still have the too small ring, but it seems manageable when I am not sitting all day and can wear sweat pants or shorts.  By early evening, we removed the cage.

One reason was discomfort.  The bottom side of my scrotum had been irritated all day.  Upon removing it, NW confirmed that I was red and raw.  The ring is just too damned tight.  Keep in mind, I was heavily lubed the entire time.  That caused NW and me to have a discussion.  Is the cage really necessary?  Does it serve a valid purpose?  This is what we came up with…

Pros for the cage –

  1. Takes the burden off of me for having to be good and control myself.
  2. Is a constant physical reminder of the orgasm control/denial that I have yielded to NW.
  3. Lets NW know, without any doubt, that I have been a good boy and remained denied.
  4. Is visually appealing, naughty feeling and erotic.
  5. It makes her control about as real as it can get.

Cons for the cage-

  1. It limits NW’s access to my cock.  She loves my cock.  It gets annoying and defeats the purpose to constantly remove it.
  2. It limits the attention that NW can give me.  This works for us only when there is a healthy amount of physical play.  Without it, we crash hard.
  3. It lessens the need for me to submit to the orgasm control and denial.  I submit once (to the caging) and have my choice removed.
  4. With number three, it lessens my willful compliance.  Uncaged, I have to continually agree to behave.
  5. It is cumbersome, physically.
  6. It is difficult to hide.
  7. Most importantly, NW likes me out of it, for immediate access.

The verdict?  We don’t need it and, more times than not, prefer me out of it.  Will we ever use it again?  No doubt.  But I don’t think it will ever be the norm.

Popping My Head Out

I guess it has been far too long without any sort of update.  Not a lot has been going on.  Chastity, denial, pain, pleasure and the like have been conspicuously absent.  Of course, that happens with us.  We tend to go through these things in phases, or waves.  Keeping that in mind, just a few items of note.

After our last foray, when things normalized, I did return to masturbating.  I did not, however, go back to three, or more, times a day.  It was diminished down to one time a day…occassionally two.  This was an intentional move on my part, as I wanted to keep myself able to meet NW’s needs.

Starting Thanksgiving day, I stopped masturbating.  This, too, was a decision that I made, without input from NW.  Since then, I have only masturbated once.  That was just before Christmas, the day we were setting out for Christmas vacation.  Why that day?  Because NW and I were not going to have any time to fool around (long trip).  I was extremely stressed.  NW wasn’t going to have the chance to “just get me there”.  That was on last Thursday.

Since then (a week now), I have not masturbated or been given an orgasm by NW.  On Saturday I informed her that I had abstained for the previous two days.  We talked and I expressed interest in orgasm control and denial again.  She was onboard and, as of Saturday, it has been her choice to keep me denied.  Given the nature of our trip, and the accompanying stress, we agreed that the denial would only remain in practice as long as I wasn’t in dire need of a stress dump.  Barring that, we decided that I should remain denied, at least, until the day after we arrived home.  Well, we are home.  I am still being denied.

That it is still going on is all on NW.  My desire to have an orgasm far outweighed my want of denial…tonight.  She told me that she didn’t want me to cum and I complied.  I did get teased three different times, though.  I have been edged at least ten times today.

How long will it last?  I have no clue.  We are, as always, playing it by ear.  If my want of an orgasm gets to the point that I am becoming irritable and miserable, it will end.  Honestly, it has to.  If it doesn’t, then I will end up abandoning it for another 3 years.

Seven days down…some unknown number to go.