NW and I spent a lot time of together, yesterday. A lot of play was had, as well as a lot of discussion. But it left me wondering, is this my NW? Sure…she looks the same. She smells the same. She tastes the same. She is just as horny, is pleasured the same and does the same things to me. Something is very, very different, however. It is something that I had not foreseen. I am not sure that I was prepared for it. Even now, I find myself being led to it, even as I am too horny to properly evaluate the destination. What I can say for certain, though, it that I have been blindsided by it. I am not sure that there is an acceptable path of return. Most significantly, I am not sure that I will ever want to.
When we revisited the chastity/orgasm control/orgasm denial, it seemed a fun way to add a little extra spark to our sex lives. Don’t get me wrong, our sex life had been humming along nicely, for a good clip, but some extra passion is always nice. I had thought about the chastity/OC/OD play, off and on, many times, since we abandoned it, nearly three years ago. It turns out, NW had thought about too. She never really had any control the first go at it. I controlled everything by proxy, through her. There was never even the illusion that the control was hers.
So, this time, we determined to start it slowly, a day here, a few days there, but to let her actually have the control. After all, my biggest concerns were/are my health and not getting into a mental funk that killed everything (being happy with it). Since I knew that NW had the exact same concerns, we were golden.
We discussed this, at length, prior to diving into it. We wanted a feel for what the other wanted. We reviewed, with one another, where we thought we had failed three years earlier, and were determined to avoid the pitfalls…communication and an anchor in reality, while staying true to our natures.
My wants were obvious…for NW to have the control. This would mean that I would need to cut out, or, at least back, on masturbating. It would mean that I would have to adjust to not having my biggest form of stress relief at hand (pun intended). It would also mean that I would have to accept the idea that my fantasy required…to give up control. This seemed rather easy, given NW’s stated wants. Lastly, in seeming contrast to this, though, I needed to remain the dominant partner, lest it blow up quickly. When fantasy clashes with reality, reality wins.
NW had a multitude of views and wants from this. She wanted it to provide a kinky spark to our, already, healthy sex life. She wanted to taste a little bit of control. Something that she had never really had. She did not (and does not) want that control to grow outside of the chastity/OC, because she prefers being the “sub”. She stated that she was not interested in lengthy denial, as she loves my cock too much to deny it to herself. Her thoughts were that periods of denial would rarely, if ever, hit even a full week. This was because of health concerns (again, I am in a higher risk category for prostate issues), because of the fear of pushing it too far and bringing it crashing down, because my happiness was paramount and, as stated, she didn’t want to deny herself. She saw no purpose to lengthy denial. She saw no point to ruined orgasms. It was all a fun means to a kinky end.
So, the stage was set. She would have control over my orgasms. I would, at least, cut way back on my masturbating (I think we agreed to no more than once a day, and that in the morning.). Denial would only last days, occasionally a week, but there would be lots of orgasms. It was, as laid out, more orgasm control than denial or chastity.
Jump forward to last night. The rapid evolution of her views/wants were evident during our discussion. Just reflecting on it makes my cock swell. I quizzed her about many things. I probed and prodded, because I wanted to hear the words from her own mouth. I told her that I was not interested in her fantasy. I wanted to know what she truly thought, felt and wanted.
I asked her about my masturbation. It has been nearly a month since I have self pleasured. But she has consistently said that she has no problem with me doing so, as long as she is not actively denying me at the time. When pressed, however, for what she truly wants, versus what is acceptable, she told me that she doesn’t want me to masturbate. I asked for how long or under what circumstances. Her answer? “Forever. I don’t want you to ever masturbate again, as long as you live.” She was serious. Included in that, she doesn’t want me to ever self pleasure. To never touch my cock again, with intent to pleasure
The recent, accidental, ruined orgasms prompted me to ask her about them. It turns out, she has gone from seeing no point in them to wanting to give them to me. She says that it is, to her, a near ultimate form of t&d. It is as close as you can get to a full orgasm, while still being robbed of the pleasure. Also, it serves a purpose with regard to prostate health, but doesn’t require the pleasure, letdown and release of a full orgasm.
Add to this our discussion of the denial, and you get a good idea of where this has started heading. I am now on day eighteen of being denied a full orgasm. This by the woman who said we would rarely, if ever, go even a week. On top of that, my next full orgasm is not even on the schedule yet. Why the change or heart? Several reasons. For one, I have not been experiencing anything health related that would necessitate a full release. Another reason is that she has started to become selfish with this. By that I mean, she is keeping me as aroused as possible to make sure that I am always ready to play. Do my feelings matter? Of course. But make no mistake, right now, this is about her. On top of all of this, though, she is becoming addicted to the control/power. And there is no better way to flex that than to keep me denied.
When you combine these two, however… We discussed, last night, in playful manner, the idea of me being denied a full orgasm, and only receiving ruined orgasms, through the rest of the year. Would it work? I have no idea. But she seems to think that she is capable of carrying that out, if she decides to.
I asked her, given her love of denying me, just to deny me…her love of the control…her keeping me at a peak, for all of the sex that it ensures and the fact that her orgasms are getting more and more intense, the longer I am denied, why would she ever let me have a full orgasm again. Her answer? Because I like making you cum. I love the way your body locks and writhes in pleasure. But, given the enormous evolution that has already occurred, in a month, will that even matter? In her own words, “I want to keep you in denial as much as possible.”
Right now, as horny as I am, I want that too. But “forever” might be sooner than we think. At current pace, I will explode before long. And only two things are certain…1) NW is not through evolving and 2) I was blindsided by all of this.