What with my masturbation having been taken away, I have been giving some thought as to why I am so addicted.  What is it that makes masturbation good and sometimes preferable to sexual interaction with NW?

Obviously, one aspect is sexual release.  I mean, who doesn’t like an orgasm?  Masturbation allows me to participate in fantasies that I otherwise would not.  It may be because the fantasy involves an act, or situation, that I cannot, or will not, actually ever participate in.  Maybe it is too extreme or would violate my views of my relationship with NW.  The fantasy also allows me to enjoy other people, without actually departing monogamy.  Not to mention, sometimes, no one knows exactly how to touch me better than me.

 The downside is that too frequent stimulation can cause diminished stimulation.  It becomes somewhat boring and less pleasurable.  It can also curb ones libido, which can be an issue if you have a highly, sexually charged partner, as I do.  But sometimes, you just want an orgasm without all of the drama and effort (not that there is really that much).

There is another reason, though.  And, for me, it may very well be the most important one.  This has become apparent to me over the last nine days, that I have not masturbated.  See, I have had little issue abstaining from masturbating as a means to sate a sexual hunger.  Sure, there are times that I really want to just stroke it out.  But I have come to realize that I use it more for stress relief than sexual pleasure.  Even though, the sexual pleasure is a nice benefit.  Wanting to be denied, and loving the feeling of being edged, makes it easier to abstain.  But there is little else that can dissolve the stresses of life like blowing them out the end of my cock.

But why does masturbation alleviate the stress in a way that partnered sex doesn’t?  I think it goes back to what I am combatting…stress.  When interacting with another, you cannot “simply be”.  You are paying attention to what they are doing, reading how they are reacting, trying to meet their needs, locked into what you are doing (I don’t fantasize about others, or other things, when playing with NW…even when flying solo, the “others” are just bodies, not specific people) and interacting.  All of these carry a degree of responsibility and, hence, stress. 

Is this bad?  No.  It simply is.  I wouldn’t trade NW for anything…sexually or relationally.  She is the perfect wife for me.  It’s just that, sometimes, no one can relieve my stress like me.

6 responses to “Masturbation

  1. GH thanks for emailing this link. I read all your postings and this certainly gets me thinking about a lot of things. I look forward to reading more. Thanks for sharing.

    • Hey! Thank you for coming by. I know you well enough to know that you aren’t getting any ideas fromus…lol.

      • I was thinking about how a persons sex life can be like the contrast of a negative from a color photo. Not negative in a bad way at all but how opposites can display different light on the same picture. We can crave something that it always there but can not see in full color (or in front of the whole world). Thankfully that’s what bedrooms and playrooms are for. Reading your blog certainly helped encouraged me to dust off the toy box and explore. Thanks. Keep writing.

  2. Jenn, I think you are absolutely correct. I often wonder what the folks around me are actually thinking? “Where will I get the money for that bill?” “Why is he/she being such a prick/bitch?” “I hope he grabs me, ties me down, spanks me, then fucks the hell out of me, when I get home!” Kink is more common that anyone lets on. And I feel sorry for those who are afraid to explore, even if it is still “mild” by some standards.
    I know for me, it has taken a long time to get where I am comfortable doing anything that leaves marks on NW.

    Enjoy the toys!

  3. It hasn’t been that long since I first read one of your posts, commenting on a comment by Robert Anthony. Since then, I’ve wanted to get back here to your earlier posts and read through them, and as you can see, I’m just getting started.

    You aren’t alone, using masturbation as a stress reliever. Until last October, when we started into the MC game, I jerked off regularly, though not with the same frequency as you (but, hey, I’m an old fart…), whenever I felt overloaded. I suffer from clinical depression, and stress is the worst thing for my mental health. I found that an orgasm was just the ticket to lift my mood.

    Differently than you, I found that an orgasm during sex with my wife, CH, also helped to improve my mood, too, It’s been suggested that the feel-good brain chemicals that one needs to stay afloat are amped up by sex and/or orgasm.

    Anyway, since embarking on our MC voyage, it seems that the stress relief provided by whacking off has been replaced by the constant horniness generated by being teased, locked and denied.

    Looking at our relationship now, with MC, versus back then, with masturbation, I’m more than inclined to stick with being denied for the rest of my life. It’s that much better.

    • I hope that I didn’t imply that I didn’t enjoy the orgasms from sex, with NW. They were not as intense, granted. This was a result, however, of being desensitized, from the constant masturbation. In the satae that I was in, there were only certain ways to stimulate myself to a really good orgasm. I knew those ways. She was guessing.
      What I am experiencing with her, right now, though, is far more intense than what I can give myself. Part of that is, undoubtedly, the high levels of arousal. But let’s face it, it just feels better to have someone else do it.

      I agree. Somehow, the constant buzz of arousal helps deal with stress. My guess is, it is because it provides a powerful diversion. Rather than dwelling on the stress, I am pulled back into the arousal…the feelings and thoughts revolving around it.

      It is interesting how people come to try MC and the varied results and reasons that they stick with it. It is very heartening to hear the positive effect that it has had on you, and hence, I am sure, your relationship. That is wonderful!

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