Looks Like We Have a Mystery to Solve

This week has been rather difficult, even though only 4 days old.  Ever since Monday morning, I have been feeling rather tense.  There has been a tightness in my chest.  No, not like I am having heart issues, but just an overall, physically evident tension.  My libido plummeted.  I was having headaches.  To top it off, I just wasn’t feeling right.

Now, none of this is completely alien, as my job can be rather stressful.  Normally, however, I would be wanking it every morning, every afternoon and every evening.  Not to mention,  NW and I would have sex, at least, three of those nights.  On average, I would have about 25 orgasms per week.  That is a lot of stress relief.

Given all of this, NW suggested that I go back to a normal masturbation schedule Monday through Thursday, saving Friday through Sunday for play.  I don’t want to do that, for obvious reasons.  And, maybe, just maybe, it isn’t really necessary.

To allay some of the stress I was feeling, I had an orgasm Tuesday night.  I followed that with an orgasm Wednesday morning.  And, yet, I was still stressed and off for the whole day.  I felt pretty dismal by the time I got home.  Headache, grumpy, no libido, etc…

Marginally pertinent, our sounds arrived yesterday.  We have gone through a mini shopping spree and bought vibrating eggs, vampire gloves, a butt plug and urethral sounds.  The sounds were what I was waiting for, but didn’t seem to really care that they had arrived.  Well, until I decided to try them, right before bed, and just see what would fit.  After all, I am hoping, once we confirm that the Steelworxx fits properly, to purchase the urethral insert for it.

Since NW wanted to be there when I tried them,  I called her in and tried one of the smaller ones (4mm).  It was uncomfortable and I suggested that being somewhat erect might help.  Before I could completely finish the statement, NW had me in her mouth.  A few moments of warm, wet, suckling pleasure and I was at 90%.  The same sound was still uncomfortable.  I tried a larger size, then a larger.  The larger the size, the more comfortable it became.  I tried the 6mm (same size as the urethral insert).  It felt great.  The largest (7.3mm) went in, but slowed, due to the lack of lube.  The point of this being that I was a tad worked up at the end of this.

So, I started stroking myself, with NW laying up against my feet.  I told her that my balls might need some attention, so she started fondling them.  It was here that my dominant side jumped to the front.  I put my left leg over her, pulled her head towards me and set her mouth to my balls.  No verbal instructions were needed.  She grinned and began licking and sucking my balls, as I continued to stroke.

I pulled her hips closer to me and smacked her ass a couple of times.  I shifted down a bit, so that she could get to my perineum.  She took the cue and started slathering the whole area, as I continued to stroke, edging myself…stopping and starting.  I began playing with her clit.  Whenever I would have to stop stroking, having hit the edge, I would put my hand on the back of her head and force her face into me, cutting off her air…and she would rocket over the edge.

We did this several times, until I decided that I was ready to cum.  And I knew exactly where my load was going to go…all over her face.  I got up, positioned her face beneath me and spattered it with my semen.  She enjoyed herself.  I was…well…relieved.

For the most part, I don’t like cumming on NW’s face.  I seem to have some sort of aversion to it.  Last night, however, I wanted to bathe her face in it.  It was an act of domination, for me, and submission, from her, for me.  The same can be said for having her lick my balls and perineum, as I masturbated.  And, of course, the breath play revolved around domination/control.

Once this was done, I felt better.  Much of the stress had bled out of me, unlike the previous two times that I had experienced an orgasm.  And one of those two was significantly better (more intense) than the one I deposited on her face.  It wasn’t all gone, but a heck of a lot of it.

What does it mean?  Well, I can only guess.  My current thoughts on it are that a) the lack of orgasms were not causing my funk and b) dominating NW seemed to be the key.  I have no doubt that the lack of a bazillion orgasms was contributing to the problem.  Since being denied turns me on, though, I don’t believe that it is the root cause.

Until we started exploring the chastity/denial realm again, most of our time was spent with me actively dominating NW, “hurting” her or just guiding the flow of sex, during our more vanilla encounters.  She rarely, if ever, took control.  That was on me…and that was natural.  The domination and S&M were there both because she enjoys being dominated and receiving pain and I enjoy dominating and dispensing pain (not a true sadist, though).  Since we reintroduced chastity/OD, however, that dynamic had changed.  We had spent much more time with her in control and guiding things.  Much of our time was spent on teasing and denial.  My domination of her, and the situation,  and our S&M play had greatly diminished.  In other words, it wasn’t us!

I think the key here is not that we need to abandon chastity/OD, even for part of the week.  What we need to do is stay true to what has worked for us and just add in the other.  How does that work?  Simple, in my mind…  We do as we always have, with the exception being that NW gets to decide whether or not I get to have an orgasm.  When I am caged, she gets to decide if I even get released.

Admittedly, it is a strange dynamic.  And I am still not sure that the lack of orgasms is not playing a bigger part.  I don’t believe that it’s role is strong enough to have caused all of this, though.  The tumult caused by the sudden changes in focus seem much more likely.

Given this, I think we will try the path I mentioned.  Which should be easy, since NW has already stated, today, that she wishes I were home, so that I could “throw me to the bed, hurt me, and fuck me”.  Maybe she has been missing it too.

Free Range or Caged Orgasm Denial?

Because of the issues I have with my CB, I don’t stay in it continually.  In fact, it has become too uncomfortable to wear to work.  I can only wear it at length on the weekends, when I can go commando and wear really loose pants.  Please, please, please let the Steelworxx correct this!

This being the case, though, it has led to me ponder why I even want to be caged.  I mean, there are folks who go the chastity/orgasm denial route and never use a cage.  Right now, except for weekends, I have a “free range” cock.  I have not masturbated, even while free.  I have not masturbated, even though NW has given me the go ahead to do so…Monday through Thursday, and only in the mornings, as a form of stress relief.  I like denying myself for her.  So that she is my only source of release.  Since she trusts me, and I do not betray that trust, there is really no reason to use it as a form of enforcement.  So why?

For me, there are multiple reasons.  The first, and perhaps most selfish, is that it takes the burden off of me.  This morning was a prime example.  For the most part, even though aroused, I have not had a strong urge to masturbate to orgasm.  I have wanted to, but not in any manner where I really considered it.  This morning, I really wanted to.  NW had given permission.  But, again, I didn’t…for her.  It took an effort not to do so.  Once I am caged, though, that won’t be an issue.  I can want all I want, but there will be no method to achieve it.  So, I simply have to accept, not struggle against myself.

The second reason would be the loss/lack of control.  Yes, all exercised control ultimately comes from the one being controlled.  That cannot be avoided.  Once that control is given, however, and is enforced via guidelines that are discussed and agreed upon, it is, for all applicable purposes, real.  Not having control over my own cock, is psychologically thrilling, whether denied pleasure for a month or just an hour.

I do make a distinction here.  It is just the way my mind works.  I like labels.  As a rule, I refer to my male sexual organ as a “penis”, if I am referring to non-sexual things…like urinating.  I urinate with my penis.  Or, while building a bookshelf, in my birthday suit, I accidentally hit my penis with the hammer“Cock” is the term I use for the sexual side of things.  NW likes to have my cock in her mouth.  I stroke my cock when I masturbate.

That being said, being in a cage means that what was my cock is now her cock.  Though the penis is still mine.  I, honestly, don’t like the sound of that.  Since it is the truth, though, (I can’t use my penis in a sexual manner, except by her bidding) it is what it is.

The third reason is the naughty factor.  When we first started talking about this, just over three years ago, every time it was mentioned I would get hard, immediately.  The thought of caging my cock, and not having access to it, seemed insane, naughty, not quite real or rational.  And it wound me up to no end.  This differs from number two in that it is not the experience itself that feeds this, but doing something so “out there” and “edgy”.

Anymore, that is not the case.  Locking away my cock and giving it, and the key, to NW is pretty much vanilla.  We do it without thought.  There is an element of it, however, that is being rekindled by the imminent arrival of the Steelworxx.  The reason?  Because this cage is real.  It is stainless steel.  Should I so choose, I could snap the CB in two with little effort.  Once I am in the Steelworxx, however, I am there until unlocked…period.

The fourth reason is kind of an extension of the third, plus a form of exhibitionism.  I get a thrill from folks knowing that I am caged.  While I might not be on visual display (except in pictures on here), the fact that someone would know that my cock is locked in a cage, where I can’t access it, and NW has full control, is hot as hell!  Sharing anything sexual is a bit arousing.  But revealing something that the vast majority of people would find anywhere from incredibly kinky, to damn near insane, to unfathomable, is tantalizing as all get out.

Mind you, I, like almost everyone who does this, cannot simply throw it out to the world.  I live in Oklahoma.  Such a revelation would be bad on so many levels.  So I have to be careful who knows what.  But, the thrill of sharing is worth the effort.

Lastly, there is NW.  My semi-masochistic, somewhat submissive, sweetheart of a wife.  She has so much trouble being sexually assertive, which is actually a good thing, given my personality.  But she loves the cage.  She loves seeing me in it.  She loves knowing that I can’t pleasure myself, especially as she indulges in her freedom and pleasures herself.  She loves knowing that I can’t give myself release and, hence, am reliant upon her.  She loves my frustration, mid the denial.  And in the midst of it, she finds a voice, and a bit a assertiveness.  It is not domme-like, which is, again, a good thing.  It is focused, guiding, exploring, confident and uninhibited.  When she hits this point, I can let go, and yield.  And she loves it.

She gives me pleasure by denying me pleasure and takes hers from the whole of it.

Changing Dynamics?

Is NW becoming dominant?  Am I becoming a sub?  Well…kind of, no and maybe.

Last night was kind of interesting.  I had been in the cage all day, except for the workout and swimming with the kids.  (They climb on me too much to realistically conceal the device.)  When we got to bed, NW had the key out.  So I laid down and she removed the cage.  Then she wiped me off (remnants of lube) and took me in her mouth.  Man was it warm and slippery!  And I was getting into it, as I knew that she intended for me to have an orgasm.  I, myself, was torn on the idea (there are physical/medical reasons why we don’t go too long…but that is another post), but deferred to her, like a good boy.

What made it so interesting, in retrospect, though, was the way things played out.  When we have sex, as a rule, I pleasure NW first.  She might stroke me a bit, or take me in her mouth, but the real pleasure is from me to her.  This has always been the case, unless I was the only one getting pleasured at that time.  The main reasons for this are 1) Like most men, when I orgasm, I lose a lot of interest/enthusiasm.  So better to please her first.  2) I really do love giving pleasure.  It turns me on and winds me up.

Last night, as she began sucking me, I started to feel “off”.  This isn’t how things go, especially of late, where I not only pleasure her first, but, even odds, I pleasure her and get none myself.  So I started stroking her leg, as she was curled next to me, and her back.  I began to work my hand towards her pussy and she just clamped her legs, paused from her sucking, nonchalantly said “no” and went back to it.

What was strange about this is that I accepted that response and stopped.  Normally, I take what I want.  But, here, I yielded.  I didn’t forget what I wanted, or put it to rest, but I did comply with her instructions.  She continued to stroke and suck me and eventually told me that she wanted tonight to be just about me.

Now I was feeling really out of synch.  All about me?  That is not how this works!  She wiggled her ass closer to me and I fondled her checks, kissed the one closest to me and decided that I really needed to taste her.  I mean, if it is all about me, and I want this… Again, breaking the norm, instead of pulling her on to me, I told her that I really wanted to taste her and asked her, “Can I please taste you?” It was a sincere request, not just roleplaying.  So very odd for us, but completely fluid and natural in the occurrence.   She was kind enough to oblige and straddled my face.  I devoured her.

Long story short, she took me careening over the edge.  My left cheek cramped, from the force of my contractions.  But the real story is still how easily and naturally we exchanged power.  She was wielding control and I deferred to it.  Not because I had to.  Not because she was demanding it.  (A sure way to bring out my dominant side.)  But because it was the natural flow of things in the setting that had emerged.  And it was wonderful.

For her part, NW has issues taking control.  Outside of the bedroom, it isn’t happening, barring the mundane stuff of home and kids.  Likewise, I don’t yield control very well.  If there is a crisis, or it is something of magnitude, I want to be at the helm, which is exactly how she likes it.  Last night, however, NW came in with a plan.  She knew how she wanted things to play out and I think that gave her confidence and focus.  To complement that, is the chastity play.  Even though all control ultimately comes from the one being controlled, being given that control makes her more at ease to assert herself.  Last night was evidence of that.  Hopefully we can nuture this, as it is sometimes more fun to be the one on the receiving end.

Be Careful What You Wish For

As you may recall, or can check for yourself, I mentioned, in yesterday’s post, that I was hoping to be denied.  That was early in the day.  By yesterday evening, I had forgotten about having typed those words.  NW, however, had read them.  I was torn between wanting to cum and wanting to be denied.  NW was kind enough to make that choice for me.

Friday night, while edging myself, I didn’t stop in time.  I stopped at the exact same point that I would have warned off NW of an impending orgasm.  When I do it, however, the sensation doesn’t seem to stop exactly when I do.  I tested this yesterday morning and actually felt it.  When NW stops, I still feel edged, but the buildup stops with her.  When I do it myself, I can stop, but there are a couple of seconds where the impending orgasm continues to build.  So, if I get too close, with myself, that prolonged buildup will carry me over the edge.  Lesson learned.

When I promptly told NW, we immediately began having sex.  She gets so horny at night (and during the day).  Even at 2 am.  She had a spate of orgasms  and I had a semi-ruined one.  She wasn’t trying to ruin it.  She stopped, when I warned her off, but it was too late.  She started stroking again, but too much time had passed by and I had what I can only describe as the last 1/3 of an orgasm.

So, yesterday morning, I began the day by edging myself.  Having discovered the secret to not going too far, I was successful.  I, promptly, put on my CB and went about my day.

Just after noon, I was hungry and tired, having been in the yard for several hours, in 100 degree heat.  I came in to change clothes and re-energize.  NW was the beneficiary of my efforts, as I led her to the bedroom, hoisted her skirt and began to recharge myself by suckling her wonderful clit.  Multiple orgasms, and a moment of cuddling later, I hopped up and clothed my caged cock.

Evening arrived.  The kids were upstairs.  NW and I retired to the bedroom.  For once, NW had a request.  She wanted penetration, but not from my cock.  To preface this, let me say that NW loves my cock.  Even so, having read my post, she wanted to keep me caged.  Also, NW has a very hard time talking dirty or even requesting specific things.  For all of her kink, she just can’t seem to make herself say the words.  So, I was surprised and excited.  Taking this simple request (instruction) from her…well, you can see the pic.

We have tried fisting many times.  I do not have small hands, though not large either.  NW does not have a lot of internal space to with which to work.  This is the closest we have ever gotten.  It appears that I am all the way in, but I am not.  I got past the knuckle of my thumb, but still lacked about an inch.

In true NW fashion, she flooded everything.  I can’t tell you how many orgasms she had.  During one of them, though, I withdrew my hand and she erupted, literally.  I can only assume that my withdrawal released the pressure on her urethra…with maximum pressure behind it.  The ejaculation went straight up and rained, yes rained, down on us.  It showered down on me, her, half of the bed, the floor and a small suitcase sitting three feet from the bed.  It was awesome!

A few more orgasms and we were done.  I was, as you guessed, denied.  And boy did I relish it.  NW expressed some guilt, that she had gotten so much pleasure and I hadn’t gotten any.  That was until I pointed out that my cage was dripping with pre-cum.  I had leaked all over the cage, onto my leg and even made a wet spot on the bed.

Later that night, once I finally decided to go to bed, and after fighting with a little one who seemed unable to stay in his, NW and I decided to play a bit more.  Thank you little one for waking Mommy up!

I used my fingers to bring NW to orgasm, again, several times.  (Once she has an orgasm, it is nothing to give her more.  Sometimes they come so fast that they seem like on long orgasm.)  She then decided that I needed some pleasure.  So she grabbed my balls, hanging so innocently from the cage, and began to squeeze them.  I continued to stimulate her as she did so.  As seems to be our MO with this play, the closer she gets to orgasm, the harder she squeezes.  The idea being that, as she reaches orgasm (the height of pleasure), she is squeezing the hardest (the height of pain).  I love this game.  The contrasting sensations, the “submission”, if you will.  I love, love, love pleasuring her.  In this game, though, I have to be willing to hurt, in order to do so.  When worked up and denied, though, I crave this play, as a substitute stimulation.  Much to my pain, I sent her over the edge.  Then it was peaceful sleep.  Well, until my first erection. 

The CB came off this morning, so I could get more sleep.  Instead, I gave her more orgasms.  She stroked me while I did this.   As we are engaging in this, she asks me if I want to cum.  In a breach of protocol, I tell her “no”.  She says, “Good.  I don’t want you to cum”.  And I thank her.  When I said, “Thank you”, she almost went over the edge.  Words are so powerful.

Off to the shower, now.  Then back in the cage.  I so love the feeling of being denied.

NW vs. the Belt

Last night, NW and I enjoined for a bit of play.  We started out with a little light crop work, as NW was not primed for pain.  As she got into it, we moved on to the flogger.  After she had experienced a few orgasms from these two (yes, she can come just from the discomfort, if it is tempered properly and applied to the proper areas), we moved on to the belt.  This belt is one that we had never tried, before Thursday.  I like it!  I think she does too.

She really had no marks from the crop or flogger…just slight redness.  The belt, however, leaves nice straight, thin, little marks.  It is just enough to break the skin and bring a few beads of blood…as you can see.

Today has been rather quiet.  It is the weekend.  Spending some time with the little ones and doing yard work.  We did find time for me to go down on NW, though.  A few orgasms later and it was back to what we were doing.

I am caged today.  My arousal is pretty good, but I am neither expecting, nor wanting, to be freed.  I am hungering for the denial.

Masturbation

What with my masturbation having been taken away, I have been giving some thought as to why I am so addicted.  What is it that makes masturbation good and sometimes preferable to sexual interaction with NW?

Obviously, one aspect is sexual release.  I mean, who doesn’t like an orgasm?  Masturbation allows me to participate in fantasies that I otherwise would not.  It may be because the fantasy involves an act, or situation, that I cannot, or will not, actually ever participate in.  Maybe it is too extreme or would violate my views of my relationship with NW.  The fantasy also allows me to enjoy other people, without actually departing monogamy.  Not to mention, sometimes, no one knows exactly how to touch me better than me.

 The downside is that too frequent stimulation can cause diminished stimulation.  It becomes somewhat boring and less pleasurable.  It can also curb ones libido, which can be an issue if you have a highly, sexually charged partner, as I do.  But sometimes, you just want an orgasm without all of the drama and effort (not that there is really that much).

There is another reason, though.  And, for me, it may very well be the most important one.  This has become apparent to me over the last nine days, that I have not masturbated.  See, I have had little issue abstaining from masturbating as a means to sate a sexual hunger.  Sure, there are times that I really want to just stroke it out.  But I have come to realize that I use it more for stress relief than sexual pleasure.  Even though, the sexual pleasure is a nice benefit.  Wanting to be denied, and loving the feeling of being edged, makes it easier to abstain.  But there is little else that can dissolve the stresses of life like blowing them out the end of my cock.

But why does masturbation alleviate the stress in a way that partnered sex doesn’t?  I think it goes back to what I am combatting…stress.  When interacting with another, you cannot “simply be”.  You are paying attention to what they are doing, reading how they are reacting, trying to meet their needs, locked into what you are doing (I don’t fantasize about others, or other things, when playing with NW…even when flying solo, the “others” are just bodies, not specific people) and interacting.  All of these carry a degree of responsibility and, hence, stress. 

Is this bad?  No.  It simply is.  I wouldn’t trade NW for anything…sexually or relationally.  She is the perfect wife for me.  It’s just that, sometimes, no one can relieve my stress like me.

Me in my soon to be gone cage

The pages were feeling a bit empty, what with only text.  So…  Here is my state, when caged.  This faithful old friend has been with me for 3 years.  It will be retired in about a month, when the Steelworxx arrives.  I, and NW, are very much looking forward to that.  Even having done the chastity/denial game, the new one will be thrilling.  I can break the CB rather easily.  Once I am in steel, though, if the measurements are correct, only a key will get me out.  And I won’t have one.

I will try to get some pics of NW, after our next session.  She bruises moderately, but turns red so easily.