This week has been rather difficult, even though only 4 days old. Ever since Monday morning, I have been feeling rather tense. There has been a tightness in my chest. No, not like I am having heart issues, but just an overall, physically evident tension. My libido plummeted. I was having headaches. To top it off, I just wasn’t feeling right.
Now, none of this is completely alien, as my job can be rather stressful. Normally, however, I would be wanking it every morning, every afternoon and every evening. Not to mention, NW and I would have sex, at least, three of those nights. On average, I would have about 25 orgasms per week. That is a lot of stress relief.
Given all of this, NW suggested that I go back to a normal masturbation schedule Monday through Thursday, saving Friday through Sunday for play. I don’t want to do that, for obvious reasons. And, maybe, just maybe, it isn’t really necessary.
To allay some of the stress I was feeling, I had an orgasm Tuesday night. I followed that with an orgasm Wednesday morning. And, yet, I was still stressed and off for the whole day. I felt pretty dismal by the time I got home. Headache, grumpy, no libido, etc…
Marginally pertinent, our sounds arrived yesterday. We have gone through a mini shopping spree and bought vibrating eggs, vampire gloves, a butt plug and urethral sounds. The sounds were what I was waiting for, but didn’t seem to really care that they had arrived. Well, until I decided to try them, right before bed, and just see what would fit. After all, I am hoping, once we confirm that the Steelworxx fits properly, to purchase the urethral insert for it.
Since NW wanted to be there when I tried them, I called her in and tried one of the smaller ones (4mm). It was uncomfortable and I suggested that being somewhat erect might help. Before I could completely finish the statement, NW had me in her mouth. A few moments of warm, wet, suckling pleasure and I was at 90%. The same sound was still uncomfortable. I tried a larger size, then a larger. The larger the size, the more comfortable it became. I tried the 6mm (same size as the urethral insert). It felt great. The largest (7.3mm) went in, but slowed, due to the lack of lube. The point of this being that I was a tad worked up at the end of this.
So, I started stroking myself, with NW laying up against my feet. I told her that my balls might need some attention, so she started fondling them. It was here that my dominant side jumped to the front. I put my left leg over her, pulled her head towards me and set her mouth to my balls. No verbal instructions were needed. She grinned and began licking and sucking my balls, as I continued to stroke.
I pulled her hips closer to me and smacked her ass a couple of times. I shifted down a bit, so that she could get to my perineum. She took the cue and started slathering the whole area, as I continued to stroke, edging myself…stopping and starting. I began playing with her clit. Whenever I would have to stop stroking, having hit the edge, I would put my hand on the back of her head and force her face into me, cutting off her air…and she would rocket over the edge.
We did this several times, until I decided that I was ready to cum. And I knew exactly where my load was going to go…all over her face. I got up, positioned her face beneath me and spattered it with my semen. She enjoyed herself. I was…well…relieved.
For the most part, I don’t like cumming on NW’s face. I seem to have some sort of aversion to it. Last night, however, I wanted to bathe her face in it. It was an act of domination, for me, and submission, from her, for me. The same can be said for having her lick my balls and perineum, as I masturbated. And, of course, the breath play revolved around domination/control.
Once this was done, I felt better. Much of the stress had bled out of me, unlike the previous two times that I had experienced an orgasm. And one of those two was significantly better (more intense) than the one I deposited on her face. It wasn’t all gone, but a heck of a lot of it.
What does it mean? Well, I can only guess. My current thoughts on it are that a) the lack of orgasms were not causing my funk and b) dominating NW seemed to be the key. I have no doubt that the lack of a bazillion orgasms was contributing to the problem. Since being denied turns me on, though, I don’t believe that it is the root cause.
Until we started exploring the chastity/denial realm again, most of our time was spent with me actively dominating NW, “hurting” her or just guiding the flow of sex, during our more vanilla encounters. She rarely, if ever, took control. That was on me…and that was natural. The domination and S&M were there both because she enjoys being dominated and receiving pain and I enjoy dominating and dispensing pain (not a true sadist, though). Since we reintroduced chastity/OD, however, that dynamic had changed. We had spent much more time with her in control and guiding things. Much of our time was spent on teasing and denial. My domination of her, and the situation, and our S&M play had greatly diminished. In other words, it wasn’t us!
I think the key here is not that we need to abandon chastity/OD, even for part of the week. What we need to do is stay true to what has worked for us and just add in the other. How does that work? Simple, in my mind… We do as we always have, with the exception being that NW gets to decide whether or not I get to have an orgasm. When I am caged, she gets to decide if I even get released.
Admittedly, it is a strange dynamic. And I am still not sure that the lack of orgasms is not playing a bigger part. I don’t believe that it’s role is strong enough to have caused all of this, though. The tumult caused by the sudden changes in focus seem much more likely.
Given this, I think we will try the path I mentioned. Which should be easy, since NW has already stated, today, that she wishes I were home, so that I could “throw me to the bed, hurt me, and fuck me”. Maybe she has been missing it too.